Marty's Joke of the Day

Update

2010-10-01T08:35:00.002-06:00

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but I think I got burnt out.

Things are doing well at our house. Son #4 just had his 5 year post-treatment MRI, and we got the all-clear. Still no tumors or anything growing in his noodle that shouldn't be. Apparently survival rates go up dramatically at the 5 year mark. They're up to 78% or something. So that's good news! Last summer he started having seizures. They're trying to control them with meds, but they are starting to look at other options. So that's just another twist in our 'new' normal lives.

Lots of other stuff has happened since we last chated. We've started our own little farm, and are raising chickens. We're getting about 2 dozen eggs every day. If you've never tried fresh cage-free chicken eggs, wow, there really is a difference!

Let's see, all of the boys' grandparents have moved away, which is hard for everyone. I'm still at the same old radiology-computer-guy job, and the paychecks continue to roll in, so that's good.

And lastly, you can keep up to date on some of our goings on, at my sweet wife's blog here.

Until next time!
Marty

5/22 Brain Tumors in the News

2008-05-22T21:09:00.004-06:00

Thursday, May 22, 2008

With the recent diagnosis of Senator Kennedy's brain tumor, there has a been a lot of stuff in the news about it.

Most of the news has already pronounced him dead.

C'mon media! There is hope. Look at son #4!

Today we're 2 years, 9 months, and 14 days since diagnosis of son #4's ependymoma brain tumor. Sure it's been up and down, but we're doing great right now. We only have a little more than 2 years to reach the golden number of 5 years cancer free, where survival percentages rise dramaticlly.

Senator Kennedy may be on the far end of the political left wing, about as far as you can get away from me, but I'm still praying for the man.

And, there's more we all can do.

St. Jude Children's hospital just ran an article (here) about a collaboration researching ependymoma brain tumors. (the kind son #4 had)...

They'll get an extra chuck of change from me this year, hope you can do the same!

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The world’s top experts in pediatric and adult cancer are uniting to eradicate a rare cancer that kills both children and adults.

What’s the best way to find a cure for a vicious cancer that kills both children and adults? The answer seems obvious: Assemble the world’s top experts on adult and pediatric cancer. Encourage them to focus their intellect, energy and creativity on curing that disease.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it has never been done before. Until now.

Recently, two groups of brilliant scientists embarked on the first direct collaboration to find a cure for ependymoma, a rare central nervous system tumor that affects people of all ages.

Ependymoma arises from cells located within the ventricles of the brain and spinal cord. In children, the tumors usually appear in the brain; in adolescents and adults, the tumors generally form along the spinal cord.
(more here)

Enjoy your day...

5/12 - The Eyes Have it

2008-05-12T15:26:00.003-06:00

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Monday, May 12, 2008
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FWEW! I still remember how to post! Cool...

Ok, it's been weeks since I posted, and I was finally shamed into posting by my buddy Wanda, who left a comment on my sweet wife's blog.

"I am so glad you are blogging!! Since Martys stopped writing you are my window to your family. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Wanda in Battle Creek."

Alright Wanda, this one's for you!

The following was a post that I had written a few weeks ago but didn't post;

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Hair Club for men has been around a long time. Now they have Hair Club for kids. If your child has lost hair, they will give them a toupee (sorry) “hair system” until they turn 18. I assume they think son #4 will pay big bucks after that to keep the hair piece.

Anyway, son #4 has 2 big bald spots on the back left side of his head. And, a week ago Saturday, he got new hair! Although the texture is a little course, the color looks great, and you can’t tell. (pics on my sweet wife's blog)

The other day son #4 had an eye appointment. My sweet wife keeps coming back and saying that, “he’s getting a little better.” I’ve been told that because the tumor affect the optic nerve, that no improvement would ever occur. But they now have his ‘good’ eye at 20/80 (at a distance) and 20/40 (close up). This is awesome! (He still only has a little light perception in his ‘bad’ eye).

My eye glasses were getting old, and it’s been almost 2 years since I got new glasses. So I scheduled an appointment last week with the ophthalmologist at our clinic. (The one who original saw son #4’s optic nerve and said, “Um, I think there might be a problem...” which started us down the brain tumor path.) I wanted him to check my eyes, but I also wanted to talk to him about son #4’s eyes. He said that nerves don’t regenerate; but that the brain is a strange place and it can make new neuro-pathways that we can’t explain. My guess is that’s what’s going.

My sweet wife was walking down our dark street, hand in hand with son #4 last week. It was late, the moon bright, and it was a clear night. He looked up, and said, “Mom, what are those little white lights in the sky?”

This blew us away! And a full two and a half years after his initial operations... Wow, this is one special kid.

As a matter of fact, he’s one in 6.6 billion. Here’s why.

July ’07 World Population = 6.6 Billion
Male (50%) = 3.3 Billion
4th son (6.25%) = 206,250,000
Born as a Caulbearer (est. 1 in 80,000) = 2,578

Couple that with these brain tumor stats the 6.6 Billion who;
Had an intracranial glioma brain tumor (6/100,000)= 396,000
6% of those were ependymoma brain tumors = 23,760
36% of those were males = 8,554
40% of those were supratentorial = 3,222
30% of those were in children = 966

Out of the 2,578 and the 966, I can tell you for sure, there is only 1 boy like mine in the world.

Enjoy Today’s Issue
Marty
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So, back to today. Monday May 12, 2008...

I have been busy. I busted my backside on my two classes, Business and Physiology. The Business class was 10 times more interesting than Physiology, but I worked hard enough to get an ‘A’ in both classes. I think next fall I’m going to try and match things up, get some direction, and see what I need to take in order to get a bachelors degree.

I’d like to get a business degree, because I’ve always thought about being a financial planner or something like that. I may be starting a little late in the game, but, who knows. It’s still good to learn something. Several times during the Business class we talked about our debt and mortgage crisis. I kept thinking of a talk given by Gordon B. Hinckley in the fall of 1998. For some reason that talk stuck with me. This was where he talked about the 7 lean cows eating the 7 fat cows in Pharaoh’s dream. The talk stuck with me so much so, that I told myself I needed to get out of debt right then. I did it and have been debt free since. (ok, except for that mortgage thingy...) Anyway, it’s good advice. Read the talk if you haven’t already.

And, let’s see, Go Jazz!
Series tied 2-2.
Now, if we can just steal one on Wednesday...

More later.
Maybe.
But, to keep up with the Jones, make sure to check out my sweet wife’s blog. She does a better job that I do anyway!

Oh, and one last thing. I’m convinced that son #4’s eyes are getting better, or at least he’s finding out how to use what he has. The other day he said, “Dad, I want to show you a trick!” I said, “sure”. He had me cover up his ‘good’ eye. With his bad eye, he looked to the extreme right and said hold up your fingers. I did and he guessed how many fingers I had up 3 out of 4 times. One wonders if he could always see out of that corner of his eye and is just discovering it, or if there is truly some optic nerve regeneration or some other miracle going on.

Either way, life is good!

Marty

3/24 - Oops...

2008-03-24T20:21:00.002-06:00

"Problem is... that's not what happened..."

Ok, I guess we all make mistakes. I had a funeral to go to today. On my "out of office" notice on my email, and voice mail, I said I would return on Tuesday, April 1st. D'oh... I meant Tuesday the 25th.

But, at least I'm not running for president touting all of my experience...

Oh well.

Marty

3/24 - Chocolate Time!

2008-03-24T06:44:00.002-06:00

Here's a few videos with animals in them
Marty

One of my favorite songs

Easter is over, now get back to work

3/21 - Good new bad news

2008-03-21T17:51:00.002-06:00

We got the good news with son #4 last week, but the news isn't so good this week. My sister in law passed away on Wednesday. She's been sick for many years, and it wasn't totally unexpected, but still, it sucks.

The viewing is on Easter, the funeral on Monday.

Marty

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And, here's a few interested videos;

How many passes does the team in white make? Test you awareness and Do the Test!

Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives.

Nine-month old Ethan falling down from laughing too hard.

This is a game called Crayon Physics Deluxe and it's a sequel to a freeware game made back in June. The game's website is here

3/18 - Count your blessings

2008-03-18T17:03:00.006-06:00

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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What? Is this 3 issues in 1 week??

That’s got to be a record!

Son #4 went skiing today with the Utah School for the blind. They go every Tuesday this year, and I even got to go with them last week. Fun fun!

Now, there’s a little boy in Son #4’s school who’s a year younger than son #4. They ride the bus to and from school together, and they’ve become fast friends. Both have had brain tumors, (apparently Gabe still does) and both are legally blind. But, today Gabe didn’t go skiing with the school. He’s in St. George. Yes, he’s in warm sunny St. George on a fully paid vacation with his family. Not only a vacation, but while they are gone, they’re getting a brand new house built! Monday son #4’s class got to go see Gabe’s house demolished, and within a week, he’ll have a brand new home in the same spot. Sort of like a local home make-over on steroids. Son #4 and Gabe even got to sit on the back of the fire truck and spray water at the house!

Ok, least you think these guys are “lucky” to have received a brand new home, count your own blessings. There is always someone who is luckier than you, and then there is always someone who isn’t as lucky as you. I don’t think I’d trade their problems for mine in a heartbeat. I don’t think you would either after you read their story;

ABC News Story

Salt Lake Tribune Story

Taylorsville/Kearns Journal front page story

Heart 2 Home Project

Home building project Live Camera

Gabe, the Jazz Bear, and son #4

Like I said before, count your blessings...
Enjoy Today’s Jokes
Marty

3/17 - Irish Rust Bucket

2008-03-17T21:42:00.002-06:00

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Monday, March 17, 2008
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Happy St. Patty’s day to ‘ya!

Leave it to those Mormons...
B’gora, he’s Irish!

PROVO, UTAH – May 3, 2007 — Ancestry.com, the world’s largest online resource for family history, is now able to confirm that U.S. presidential hopeful Barack Obama’s Irish ancestors originated in Moneygall and neighboring Shinrone in County Offaly, Ireland.

So, I guess it's now “Barack O’Bama”

Anyay, yesterday our home teachers came over. It was kind of a short visit, and a short lesson. Before they left, son #4 spied a Braille card that he got from school, and wanted to show the home teachers. It listed the alphabet in Braille, along with the numbers. They asked if he could read the card. (He’s just learning, and can make out some letters). So, he grabbed the card, and with confidence started saying the alphabet. “A...B...C...!!” and then proceeded to rub his fingers over the letters. It was almost like he knew what came next.

Enjoy
Marty

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Here's something a funny that I heard in church yesterday. They were talking about Matthew 6:19, "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal."

The speaker used this story;

"The car was disinterred on Friday, found in four feet of water, almost completely rusted, with flat tires and rotting upholstery. Apparently, 1950s preservation technology could not withstand the ravage of five decades of weather and bad drainage. The postcards from contestants guessing the city's population survived undamaged in a sealed steel capsule."

And the winner is... Not happy?

3/12 - It's all so technical...

2008-03-12T12:10:00.001-06:00

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008
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Remember me? Hope so.

Ever since just before Christmas 3 months ago, I’ve been holding my breath. I haven’t been a very good husband or father, or blogger for that matter. I was really really worried about son #4’s “lit up” area on his tumor bed last MRI. Several of you wrote to say, “we miss you, how’s #4?” Today we know.

We didn’t get much sleep last night, and drove to the hospital in numbed silence, knowing what the results could be. I filled out all of the paperwork, having memorized it from the numerous times I’ve filled it out before.

The radiologist told us, “The lit up white area in his tumor bed from Decembers MRI was just... ‘technical’”. Meaning, the MRI had a glitch, the tech may have had more contrast media (stuff they put in the blood that shows up better on the MRI), or any of a hundred other variables that go on during a MRI.

So, now we can start our life again, and get things back to normal. Thanks for your prayers.

Now, how about a little hospital humor?

Enjoy today’s jokes!
Marty

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Reader Comments
I want to know how you and your family are doing. It has been a while since we have heard from you. I pray for you and your family every day. Just put out a notice that you are still around.
Claudia P.
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Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

Doctor: How do you feel?

Patient: A little down in the mouth.

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I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.

The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!

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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"

2/6 - Prophetic Hymn

2008-02-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008
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[I have a larger .PDF version of this if you'd like me to email it to you]

I got an email from our Ward Choir pianist this morning. What a great story behind the hymn that the tabernacle choir sang at President Hinckley's funeral last Saturday.
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Forwarded email from Janice Kapp Perry;
During President Hinckley's funeral, the Tabernacle Choir will be singing a hymn with text written by President Hinckley, which I set to music in December. I would like to share the story of it with you:

About two months before my niece Kathy Blacker died, on January 11, 2008, she found a three-verse poem by President Hinckley among her files. Although she was resigned to dying, she had some fears about the dying process and his words greatly comforted her especially the second verse, which described exactly what she was feeling. She wrote to Pres. Hinckley's office to ask permission to have the poem printed on her funeral program, and she received a very nice letter from his secretary Don H. Staheli saying that President Hinckley gave his permission for her to do so. The letter also conveyed some very comforting words from Pres. Hinckley which were helpful to helpful to Kathy in her final weeks, and he said he would remember Kathy in his prayers.

Then Kathy suggested that I write and ask permission to give the poem a hymn setting. I did so, and Brother Staheli conveyed President Hinckley's permission for me to write the hymn. After offering some heartfelt prayers that I might be able to write appropriate music for his profoundly beautiful and moving text, I wrote the hymn setting and sent a copy to President Hinckley's office for approval at the end of December. I received no immediate response.

Kathy passed away January 11 and after her funeral I sent a copy of her funeral program to President Hinckley's office so he could see how nicely his poem was displayed along side my brother Gary Kapp's painting of Christ.
When I heard President Hinckley had passed away last Sunday night I was feeling a little sad to think I hadn't received a letter with his official approval. But the very next day after his passing, the hoped-for letter arrived with his approval, his permission for me to publish it in a future volume of my series Inspirational New Hymns for Choir and Home, and leaving it to my discretion as to whether to submit it to the Church Music Division. The timing was so unusual and I was extremely grateful to receive the letter as a tender mercy in my life.

Then on Monday afternoon Craig Jessop, Tabernacle Choir Director, heard about the hymn and had his office call me to obtain a copy of the hymn for consideration for President Hinckley's funeral. On Tuesday, while traveling in California, I learned that the hymn would be performed by The Tabernacle Choir at President Hinckley's funeral on Saturday.

Having seen the great comfort this hymn brought to my niece who died just two weeks before President Hinckley passed away, my great desire is for people throughout the world to have a free copy of these magnificent words of President Hinckley to comfort them in times of the loss of loved ones. This is just one more way his influence could be felt down through time.
Janice Kapp Perry – Jan 2008
[Sheet music on-line]

Enjoy
Marty

2/5 - Misheard...

2008-02-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've got a test I've been studying for, for days...

Found this one courtesy of my #1 mom.
Funny what can happen when people don't listen close enough.

Enjoy
Marty

2/3 - Romney Wins Maine

2008-02-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

Two days before Super Tuesday, Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney today won 18 delegates in the Maine caucuses.

It's a neck and neck horse race in the delegate count, with only 5 delegates separating McCain and Romney.

Also, in the latest Reuters/CSPAN/Zogby poll in California, Romney leads McCain 37% to 34%...

Don't hold your breath, but we'll have to see what happens on Tuesday.

2/2 - Interesting Video

2008-02-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

This is from my Sweet Wife's, Sister's, Friend's, Father.... It's almost like I was there. (grin)...

1/31 - Hinckley tributes

2008-01-31T07:15:00.000-07:00

President Hinckley Tributes

1/28 - Goldie Locks and the 3 little wolves

2008-01-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

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Monday, January 28, 2008
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The other night my sweet wife was sick, and wanted me to tuck the boys into bed. We have a deal with son #4, that if he gets to bed before his bedtime, then we’ll read him a story. That night he did. I told him I’d either read him a short story, or tell him one of three stories; The 3 little pigs, little red riding hood, or the 3 Billy goats gruff.

He thought for a moment and said, “Dad, I want a new story. Why don’t you tell me the one about the 3 little wolves, and the big fat pig.” Every once in awhile, a dad has to pull something out of his hat, and I came through with flying colors. I said something about, “I’ll oink and I’ll oink and I sit on your house bad...”

Not anything like the Grimm brothers, but close enough.

The Brothers Grimm

We’re still battling the stupid raccoons in the attic. I called the county, and they were out of traps, so I finally caved and bought my own $51 trap. They say the best thing to do is to put a twinkie in there, with some vanilla flavoring to attract them. Then son #3 wanted to know why the raccoons got twinkies, and all of the boys didn’t. So, I had to promise that I’d give them a twinkie when we got the coon. He also asked what we were going to do with the raccoon when we got it. “You’re not going to kill it are you?” He seemed genuinely concerned. I told him that we’d call animal control and they would come pick it up. “But,” I said, “We could tan it and make a coonskin cap if you wanted...” His eyes got really big, “REALLY!?”

I guess it’s just how you present it.

Enjoy the Jokes
Marty

p.s. Good bye President Hinckley, we’ll miss you!

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from him;
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." ~~President Gordon B Hinckley, prophet and president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

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Reader comments;
Oh, man! I hear ya, brother! We have a KFC buffet in a
neighborhood where I used to live. I had to move from
that neighborhood just to save myself! All that bad
food, and lots of it! All the extra crispy you want,
WITH the noodles and dumplings and sweet potatoes,
for one price? Get behind me, Satan!

-- Jeff G., Pottsburgh
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Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my
husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that
he'd fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the
building.

"But you're such a light sleeper," I said. "I'm surprised the
sound of the guy breaking in didn't wake you up."

"I didn't get fired for falling asleep," he confessed, "I was
fired for wearing my earplugs."

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"I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud,
but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without
doing any productive work or contributing anything to society,
my reaction is: 'How can I get in on that?'" --Dave Barry

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I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one
of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and
monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000
worth of life insurance. But he had one last question.

"Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?"

1/21 - More Fun

2008-01-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

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Monday, January 21, 2008
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At one of the last Scout campouts, the other 2 leaders and I were talking about technology. One of the guys usually gets the latest and greatest stuff. I, on the other hand, like to use old stuff. (Case in point, everyone else was walking about in space-age snow gear, and I was walking around in gators that I bought in high school.)

Anyway, I finally upgraded the Palm Pilot that I’ve had for at least 4 years. I bought a brand spank’n new PalmOne Treo 600. Ok, it wasn’t brand new. I think they are on the 750s or 800 series by now, but this is just like buying a car or a computer. If you buy older stuff (year old car, year old computer technology, 2 or 3 year old phones) and they are WAY less expensive. Good thing, because the market is going to crap out this week. <-- predictions by Marty. So, my phone/palm is pretty cool, even though it was someone else’s, and it’s old and scratched. It works great!

Did I tell you I started school again? I’m taking Anatomy and Physiology. (Not a fun class. The teacher is poor, and the subject matter dry. But, hey, its more education right?) And, I decided to take something that interests me; Business. So, I found a class that a friend of mine, who’s in my Bishopric, is teaching. He’s really a great teacher, and I really like the class. If I hadn’t seen dollar signs, and a quick easy way to make a buck in computers, I think I’d have gone into Business or Finance as a career. But, learning is a life long process, no?

This weekend, my mom (who has been singing barbershop music for almost 40 years) told me about the Utah Youth in Harmony festival. It’s where youth get together as a choir and learn barbershop music. Then, they put on a performance that night. Sons #2 and #3 went with me. I wasn’t a member of either of the men’s groups represented there, but I asked if I could sing along just as “a dad”. They said “absolutely”. Most of the youth were High School age, some were Jr. High, and a handful were from elementary school. Son #3 was the youngest in the choir. After almost 8 hours of rehearsal time, we could all sing barbershop, and put on a pretty good performance. Both boys complained during that day that they didn’t want to stay, but by the end, they said they had a great time. So afterwards, I took them to a KFC buffet dinner that night. (Which is just wrong... all that bad food, and a lot of it...) We at the at the “World first KFC” in Salt Lake. It was great.

This week we also got son #4 measured for his new hair piece. They decided they were going to shave off some of the thin hair around his bald spot, and make one hairpiece about 1/4 the size of his head. I’ll let you know how that goes.

So, it’s been a good week.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes
Marty

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Reader Comments

None

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The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.
This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in
the heck we were designed the way we were.

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test...now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well ......

#1 Mom

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APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH; ADAGE

[better known as a tagline...]
[I like #12]

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor , you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. Like this: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After 50 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

=-=-=-

Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way:

My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Catholic (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence).

But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist (loud cheers!) ...and I have always considered my aunt's path to be the right one!"

~Wanda D.

1/14 - Like Mild Manner Clark Kent, only not...

2008-01-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, January 14, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other day I told you that son #1 got Guitar Hero III for
his birthday. Sons #1, #3, #4, and I have all been playing it
a lot. (Son #2 still has some homework issues he’s working
on...) But, I forgot to tell you the other day that we might
be playing it a little too much. When son #4 got on his
school for the blind bus last week, he was singing “Hit me
with your best shot” (Pat Benatar - 1979). The driver looked
at him a little weird, but didn’t say anything.

And, with son #1 it’s kinda funny. We have a rule that he
can’t go over to a girl’s house for movies, party, or
whatever, unless there are other girls and guys in
attendance. Once we gave him the rule, he’s been a real
stickler about it. And even though we’ve now given him the
green light (with rules) to date, he’s still a little
apprehensive. He has two girls picked out for his first date,
but doesn’t want to offend his 2nd choice, so he’s waiting a
month or two until everyone is 16 so he can double date. He’s
very cautious and meticulous about things. So, it’s kinda of
funny that mild-mannered son #1, would be such a wild-boy on
Guitar Hero III.

He just amazes me when he plays this song.

He hasn’t gotten as good as the guy in the video, but he’s almost got the song down. At least he hasn’t grown his hair out long and asked for tattoos!

And speaking of hair...
Since son #4’s radiology treatment back in December of 2005, he’s had two large bald spots on the back/side of his head ever since. Now he balks at getting a haircut, and doesn’t like the bald spots. (He’s got comb-over, but it looks funny if you look closely). Hair Club for kids will donate hair pieces for him until he’s 18. So, we have an appointment on Thursday. My kid gets a hairpiece before I do! (hehehe)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments

Say, Mr. Osmond---

What you do is, you buy the kid a keyboard and a boom box that hooks together and get him to teach himself how to play anything he hears off the radio, then tape it and play more over that. Then when he gets good on both instruments (and the girls hear him) you can have him make some records. Not a lot. Just enough to pay for your retirement home by the lake. And another one in the Caribbean.
All the best to your family, especially your son with the meidcal problems.

Jeff G., Pittsburgh, PA

[grin]

Hey Marty --
We have wassail every year at the same Christmas party – Yucky drink as far as I'm concerned!! Maybe if we were people who drank alcohol we'd like it -- but not so! We always ask for the drink w/o anything added. My husband always drinks the wassail - perhaps he's just being polite.. Loved your jokes tonight - I heard the one about the little boy who stole baby Jesus and was giving Him a ride in his new red wagon -- enjoyed reading it again. Thanks #1 Mom I really appreciate the updates on your younger son -- I've prayed for him many times and will continue to do so. Take care and have a great day –
Sincerely - Cathy M~

[thanks]

RE: Look-alikes
I happen to think that you're better looking than all of them. But then, you look like me. I was disappointed that you didn't include the picture of the guy in the Vonage ad. I still think that is you.

BTW my computer is back. (The painter) had just unplugged the power strip and just plugged it in again. So all you will have to do on Saturday is hook up my Wii. BTW the AARP newspaper says Wii sales are high among us old folks. So I was wrong. I have not yet reached my technological acme!!!!!!
Love, Mom

[Yeah, but I still beat you bowling last night! First time!!]

=-=-=-

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and ask her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
~Jan D.

=-=-=-

A photographer for a national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a big forest fire. The smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. It will be waiting for you at the airport. he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, Let's go, Let's go! The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. Fly over the north side of the fire, said the photographer, and make three or four low level passes. Why? asked the pilot. Because I'm going to take pictures. I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures! said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, You mean you're not my instructor?
~Kobus B.

=-=-=-
An oldie but goodie;

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

1/10 - Just goof'n

2008-01-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, January 10, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was looking at some of the stats for the web site and looking at where people come from. A couple of people who came to my site from a family website called the “Wacky Tenny's.” They've got me listed as a favorite site! Yipee! Which reminds me. I need to update my links... Hopefully, by the time you read this, I should have them updated, over there on the right. I've been meaning to do that for awhile, thanks for the reminder Tenny Family!

Anyway, here's a couple of cool links I found there.

Here's one that shows what kind of celebrity I look like. (How do they do it??)

And here's one of me morphing into some guy named Kim Rossi Stuart. (Whoever the heck that is... But, hey, he's almost as good looking as me, right?) If you want to try some for yourself, just click on the picture somewhere.

%1

But, I guess I should knock myself down a peg or two, least I get a big head... Son #1 got Guitar Hero III for the Wii, for his birthday. This boy is absolutely awesome at that game. It amazes me how fast his fingers fly on the play guitar. I started out on 'Easy' mode, and have mastered a few 'Medium' songs, but he can play most of the songs on 'Hard' mode.

There's got to be some way to turn that energy into something productive... Hmm...

Enjoy the Jokes
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments

Marty, what is "wassail"
From Amber;

Happy to Educate the populace Amber...
Wassail (pronounced wossayl or woss’l)[1] is a hot, spiced punch often associated with winter celebrations of northern Europe, usually those connected with holidays such as Christmas, New Year's and Twelfth Night. Particularly popular in Germanic countries, the term itself is a contraction of the Old English toast wæs þu hæl, or "be thou hale!" (i.e., "be in good health"). Alternate expressions predating the term, with approximately the same meaning, include both the Old Norse ves heill and Old English wæs hāl.

=-=-=-

The Navajo Times reporter was inquiring as to the secret of the long and happy marriage of Chiizhee and Rita.....

Chiizhee replied: Well, it dates back to our honeymoon at the Grand Canyon . We took a trip down to the bottom of the Canyon by mule.

We didn't go too far when Shi Heart's mule stumbled and she almost fell off.

Shi Heart looked down at the mule and quietly said, "That's once."

We went a little further and her mule stumbled again. Once more Shi Heart quietly said, "That's twice."

We got about a half-mile when the mule stumbled for the third time. Shi Heart quietly removed a pistol from her boot and shot the mule dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, woman! You're freakin crazzeee!" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from THAT moment.....we have lived happily ever after."

From and Indian Co-Worker;

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco .
The pastor of the church was looking at the manger scene when
he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from the cradle.
He immediately turned and went outside and saw a little boy
with a red wagon walking down the street. And in the wagon was the
figure of the infant Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said
“Son, where did you get that little baby Jesus that is in your wagon?”
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?” asked the pastor.
The little boy replied, “Well about a week before Christmas, I prayed
to the little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for
Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.”
~#1 Mom

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Dija ever have one of those days?

1/7 - Resolutions

2008-01-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, January 07, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boy oh boy, lots to update you on!

Let’s start with Christmas shopping. [This story reminds me way back in the summer of 2004, when we went to Lake Tahoe for vacation, and I tried to teach the boys a great lesson. Check out the link to ‘the sign’ to see a sweet picture of son #4 3 1/2 years ago!]

This Christmas season the hot item is the Nintendo Wii game system. My sweet wife and I had been looking for one off and on for months. We didn’t look super hard, but always had our eyes open, but we never could find one. Because son #4 had his MRI exactly one week before Christmas, we wanted to get everything “done” before we found out the results of the MRI, just in case. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that we weren’t going to find a Wii system this year. (Darn! They look so cool too...)

So, we went shopping and decided to get 3 of the boys a Nintendo DS lite game system. These little things are so cool, you can play them alone, with each other wirelessly, over a wireless network, and even hook up to the Nintendo Wii gaming system. (Dang, if we only could find a Wii system!) We decided on the DS because son #4 already got one as a gift when we went to the Hanna Montana Concert, and everyone in the house loved it. (And no, we didn’t have to lie to win tickets, saying my father died in Iraq. My dad’s death on Christmas day two years ago was excitement enough for me. And as long as I’m digressing... We pulled off Christmas dinner at our house this year! Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and nobody died!]

Anyway, back to my story; My sweet wife and I found ourselves at a placed called Game Crazy. We found 3 Nintendo DS systems, a game each, and a couple of games for a giving tree project at work. I’m pretty quick at math, and we had a (loose) budget to work with for Christmas, so I knew pretty close to what the total would be. After an hour in the store, we were at the checkout line. There was a new guy running the register who had to ask the manager different questions about everything. To make a long story short, he rang us up and told me the total. I said, “That doesn’t sound like the right amount.” He said he was sure it was. The manager was standing there and I said, “Are you sure you guys charged me enough?” He joked and said, “You guys could give us a huge tip if you want.” I smiled and waited a few more minutes before the clerk handed me my receipt. I looked at it and said, “No, look, you only charged me for 2 DS systems, not 3.” We had to wait an additional 15 minutes in line, with the manager calling the main office, filling out paperwork, trying to undo what the new kid had done. Though I left there $120 lighter in the pocket, I have a clear conscience.

That was a few days before son #4’s MRI, and we were completely done with getting ready for Christmas. The Thursday after the MRI, I was attending a meeting and had my laptop set up. I was talking with a guy next to me about Wii systems, and he said he wanted to get one, but had no idea where to look. I told him about wiitracker.com and showed him the site. (Ok, this was a boring meeting) Low and behold, wiitracker.com had found some available at ToysRUs.com (But only if you paid for overnight shipping.) I jumped at the chance. (That’s the package I told you about, that I was expecting on Friday, or Saturday before Christmas. It was finally delivered late Christmas Eve.) Now, we have wii!

My #1 mom got to play one at my brother’s house before Thanksgiving in California, and then our system after Christmas. She liked it so much that she ended up buying one on-line, saying, “...it’s supposed to be good exercise.” I think she just likes beating me bowling... My Brother-in-law-with-4-kids-who-lives-across-the-valley-from-us also got a wii for Christmas. All of the cousins have tons of fun playing each other. My Rocket-Scientist-Brother-in-law-from-California-who-has-3-kids got to play ours while he was here. His family wants one really bad, (especially my sister-in-law, who apparently rocks at Guitar Hero) but he kept saying, “I don’t have any time for one!” We know, Roy, you really do want one... [I can see him rolling his eyes as he reads this...] They are available from wiitracker.com as I type... (Grin)

Rib’n aside. What made me go so over my Christmas budget this year? I guess it’s a combination of things. Looking forward, we’re only going to have 3 more Christmas seasons, at most, with the boys at home. It’s kind of sad to think about it. Son #1 will be turning 19, and will hopefully choose an LDS mission. Two years after that, it will be son #2’s turn. And, we all know that anything can happen with our health... Things are good right this second, and I’m a bit apprehensive of what might happen in the future. I just want to have time stop for awhile.

I like the statement; “Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes!”

When the New Year gets here, I hear people say, “I don’t make resolutions, because I can never keep them.” This year I’m going to at least try. Here are my goals; I lost a total of 28 pounds, but with Thanksgiving in Chicago, and Christmas and New Years just after that, I’ve gained 6 back. A struggle, but I’m going to stick with it. I also decided to read the scriptures on a more regular basis. I’ve started with the New Testament, in Matthew. So far so good. For my last resolution, I decided to go back to College... again. I’ve signed up for an anatomy class, strictly for work (they’ll pay 100%) and a business class, just because it sounded interesting. (I think work will pay 70%). So, New Year is a time to at least try to improve yourself. What will you do to improve yourself?

And, one funny thing that I remember from the holidays; Every year we go to the in-laws on Christmas eve. We carol, have hot wassail, and perform the Christmas pageant while reading from the Bible. Son #4 told my sweet wife that he wanted to play one of the wise men this year, so he could give baby Jesus presents of, “Gold Frankenstein and Fur”.

Well, almost...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes
Marty

12/24 - Merry Christmas Video

2007-12-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas from Marty's Joke of the day!

12/22 - Update and Delivery mess

2007-12-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, , , December 22, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arrgg... Technology can sometimes be frustrating!

Thursday during the day, I scored big. Really big. I'll have to tell you about it after Tuesday, least prying little eyes read my blog!

Then, Thursday night I wanted to post on the blog what the doctors had said at the brain tumor clinic.

Here's what I wrote then;

=-=-=-
It's as I expected. My sweet wife went to Brain Tumor clinic with son #4. She said they were the first to arrive, and the last to leave. She said the oncologist spoke with the radiologist for quite some time before he came in and spoke to my wife. He said pretty much the same thing that the radiologist told use on Tuesday; that the large white area on the tumor bed was unusual, that it could turn into something bad, but that it could also be nothing. Wonderful. Wait Watch and Worry. (WWW). We asked him when the next MRI should be. (I was on the phone listening while he spoke to my sweet wife.) He said wait 3 months, not 2, not 4. I guess that's not bad, but not good, and it's better than hearing, “we need to go into surgery right now...”
=-=-=-

So, that's what I started to write on Thursday. After that I was feeling a little rambunctious. I had heard something on the radio that I wanted to spout about, I had lined up 3 or 4 videos to post for you guys, I had several links to political sights, and was just starting to get things uploaded to the blog site.

That night we had one of the cousins over for a sleep over, everyone was playing on the computers, playing video games, watching the big screen, whooping it up having a good time in the other room, and I also had my space heater on. We also were having one of the biggest snow storms of the year. (at least 2 feet at our house).

Then all of a sudden I heard a “POP”...

And nothing...

Blackness...

Power out...

In our back yard, the neighbors had lights. Lights were on across the street. Neighbors to one side and the other were also on. I checked out fuses inside, and nothing was tripped. I called the power company, and she suggested checking the main breaker. I had no idea there was a main breaker, but that's what it was. Too much power, and then something (my heater?) caused a power spike.

So, I lost my entire blog post. Oh well...

But, here's what else gripes me...

Remember I told you I scored big on Thursday? I paid for (before noon), for overnight shipping on a certain item. My little puny brain would think, hmm... pay for overnight shipping on Thursday, get your package on Friday.

Not so fast. ToysRUs used the ol, “shipping starts when your item leaves the warehouse.”

Wonderful. Strike one.

But, it does leave the warehouse on Friday at 1PM. Cool, overnight shipping, that means I'll get it Saturday.

But check this out

The package left their warehouse in Columbus Ohio at 1pm Friday, it arrived in Memphis Friday night at 11pm, it leaves Memphis for Salt Lake at 3:45am Saturday. Then it arrives in Salt Lake sort facility Saturday morning at 6:45am, and gets put on the delivery truck at 8:24am. So far so good. It rides around the truck most of the day, and at 1:10pm gets taken back to the FedEx warehouse. The reason? “Package not due for delivery”. Argg... strike two!

Apparently “standard overnight” isn't the same thing as “standard overnight with Saturday delivery.” D'oh. So there my prized package sits, in the FedEx warehouse for 2 more days because ToysRUs didn't pay for Saturday delivery.

Yes, I called. They said they'd try to credit me the shipping costs. But it has to go through their red tape bureaucracy first.

So, FedEx and ToysRUs didn't meet my expectations so far. Let's hope things go better on Monday.

Enjoy the Jokes
Marty

12/18 - Ya win some, ya lose some

2007-12-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember the Chili's nights I told you to go to, where Chili's
donated all of their profits for that night to St. Judes
Children's Hospital? Well, St. Judes took all of that money an
built a building...

“When construction began on the Chili's Care Center in 2004, the
building was a vision on paper. It took hundreds of people to
create that vision and turn it into reality for the patients,
researchers, faculty and staff of St. Jude Children's Research
Hospital. November 2007 welcomes the Chili's Care Center to the
St. Jude campus.”
[Full Story]

Anyway, you guys are going to have to keep going to Chili's. At
least for us. We got some good news and some bad news with #4's
MRI today. The 2 spots that they found in October were still the
same size. They didn't move and didn't grow. I still think they
are cauterized vessels from the original surgery or something.
However, they did see a much larger area on his tumor bed that
'lit up' when they scanned it. The Radiologist said it was
probably scar tissue, but that it was unusual to light up because
scar tissue is supposed to fade away over time. He said there was
no dense material or anything in the lit up area, but he said that
we should watch it because the area had changed from the last
scan.

So, it's the WWW for us. (Wait Watch and Worry)

I work with 2 Radiologists who read hundreds of studies each day.
And, most of the doctors who receive the reports pretty much tell
the patients exactly what's in the report. So, when we have Brain
Tumor Clinic tomorrow, maybe I'll just have my sweet wife call me
when the oncologist gets there to see if there's anything new.

I think I've come to realize that this is going to be a life long
battle. Until either he goes, or we go. (Hopefully the latter...)

Brain Tumors suck.

Enjoy Today's Jokes.

Marty

p.s. Do you know how hard it is to find “Brain Tumor Jokes”? Well,
I did my best...

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and its inoperable – in
fact, its so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor
gives him a choice of available brains – there is a jar of rocket
scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist
brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the
princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is
a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?" The
doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an
ounce of brains?"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps for joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr.Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why you are so happy?

Mr.Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

This Marine, all messed up from Iraq, went to the hospital to get
checked. They found a huge brain tumor. Because of his brain
tumor, all he could say was the words to the Marines hymn. So when
the doctor asked his name, he replied, "From the halls of
montezuma..."

The doctor decided to remove the tumor and part of his brain,
thinking that would cure it. When the doctor did this, the Marine
still said "From the halls of montezuma..."

The doctor figured he did not remove enough of the brain. So after
removing some more, the marine still only said those words.

The doctor, now getting frustrated, decided to take the rest of
the brain out. Now the Marine, with no brain, stood up and started
singing, "Be all that you can be..."

12/8 - Who says FedEx isn't smart?

2007-12-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, December 08, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, just a quick note today. It's Christmas time, and sometimes we have things shipped to our house. Well, check out this little photo that my sweet wife snapped with her camera phone yesterday.

It's a picture of a package, 'hidden' under our doormat!

Who says FedEx guys aren't smart! He was either trying to a) hide if from a robber, or b) make sure we noticed it when we got home. Smart Feller's 'eh?

Life is good.
Enjoy the picture

Marty

p.s. My sweet wife and I got up on this snowy Saturday really early, to go wait in line for a Glenn Beck book signing at our local book store. We got a few extra books and put them on eBay. (We're also donating 10% of the final price to the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.) Check out the listings, these auctions start at just 1¢!

12/7 - Math, Mercy, and Justice

2007-12-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Look, it's my 500th post! Yipee!
Did you know I'll be starting my 8th
year of this silliness in March!??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, December 07, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a long way around making an itty bitty little point way at the end, so bear with me on this post. Now, I love math. Well, I guess I don’t actually ‘love’ math, but it seems that I have a brain that feels comfortable when dealing with math.

The ‘=’ sign is very powerful in math. And I understand how it works. For example, 3x2=6. That’s pretty simple. So here’s a few more examples;

The Pythagorean Theorem has always stuck in my head. You remember a²+b²=c²

Simply put, if the angle where a and b intersect is a right angle, (a 90° angle) then the Pythagorean Theorem works wonderfully.

Say the distance for side ‘a’ is 3 inches and the distance for side ‘b’ is 4 inches, then by doing the math (3²+4²=c² and 9+16=c² and 25=c² and 5=c) you see that side c must equal 5 inches. In my noodle, at least, this is a no brainer.

Another great equality is Newton’s third law; For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I'd like to extrapolate Newton's law one more step; For every sin committed, there must be an equal and opposite payment made, to pay for that sin. That seems reasonable and fair to me.

Now, let's see how justice and mercy fit in to this theorem. Let’s say a man robs another man. The first man is caught and is found guilty. The second man cries, “I must have justice! I must have my money back.” But the first man’s family cries to the judge, “Show Mercy! This man is poor and we are starving.”

Perfect justice demands that the robber get exactly what he deserves. No more, no less. It can be difficult to decide what the robber deserves as punishment, but with perfect justice, as with the equal sign, the punishment is matched exactly with the crime.

But, in an equitable society mercy should also be shown. But, if mercy is granted to the robber, then justice can’t be served. (the second man is robbed of money, and therefore justice) So how can we show mercy, without justice being denied?

If there were a mediator, say a third man in our example, who would show mercy and pay the robbers debt, and then require some sort of payment from the robber, then both justice and mercy can be served.

So if every sin requires an equal payment, (literally) to be made for that sin, how can we literally pay for each sin we commit? We can't. But, there is a Great Mediator, Jesus Christ, who has already paid for all of our sins. He only requires of us repentance, a broken heart, and a contrite spirit. (Although I am extremely grateful for the atonement where Christ paid for our sins, I can’t begin to comprehend how he did this...)

So, now you've had your math lesson and Sunday school lesson, so I'll top it off with a political lesson. This all brings me to a point I wanted to make that I mentioned at the beginning of my post. I found this article on the news wires yesterday;

=-=-=-

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush will unveil a plan on Thursday aimed at slowing a wave of home loan foreclosures that has threatened to knock the U.S. economy into recession and rattled investors worldwide. The plan hammered out by the U.S. Treasury Department in talks with mortgage industry leaders would bring relief to many of the 2 million homeowners who took out adjustable rate loans with payments due to move sharply higher in the next year or so by offering some of them a five-year mortgage-rate freeze.
=-=-

If we try to put an equal sign in to this news story, it isn't equal or fair. On the one side of the equal sign, Bush is trying to show mercy by freezing adjustable rates for 5 years. This will save homeowners money while they try to get themselves into a different mortgage or sell their homes for what they can. It could also save the economy from sliding further. I'd say that's some pretty hefty stuff on the one side.

But, no one is looking at what's on the other side of the equation. Who is going to pay for this? Banks, investment companies, and investors will all lose money. A lot of money. Including individual investors and retirees who have IRA accounts with these companies. Some may argue, “They are big business, they should be knocked down a peg or two.” Or, “They made a bad investment choice, too bad so sad”. I don't agree. If this plan is put in place, it is yet another example of government trying to redisturbe wealth, or tax the rich, or dirty on the those who have... In my humble opinion, Bush is showing too much mercy, and forgetting justice.

When in any society, mercy is given too much and too often, [a robber is shown mercy and the victim receives no justice], that society becomes inefficient, corrupt, citizens become angry and tired of injustices, and the society is ripe for revolution.

So that's just my 2¢ worth...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

Now, how about a little fun?

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Bryan Berg, the acknowledged inventor of cardstacking on the grand scale, embarked on a month-long project with The Texas State Fair in Dallas, TX to create a new Guinness World Record for the World's Tallest House of Playing Cards. A self-taught artist, Berg uses no tape, glue, or other tricks in his work. With 1,800 decks of freestanding playing cards, some scaffolding, and a hole in the ceiling, he worked for five weeks to complete the 25 foot, 9.5 inch tower- limited only by the height of the building he was working in and time. Even the artist was surprised at how strong his huge construction turned out to be, when a leaf blower shorted out during the knockdown and he was forced to take a "Godzilla" approach and destroy the tower by hand. This is the third time Berg has been commissioned to break his own world record, the first of which he set in 1992 at the age of 17. Check out the links below to see press coverage of this and other recent works.

Here's the world's record video.

And here's another video

12/5 - Who's realted to who how?

2007-12-05T22:13:00.001-07:00

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
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Ever wonder who's who in your family? Here's a quick little chart that will help you understand your 1st cousins form your 2nd cousins once removed.

On the top row, find the relationship of one person to the common ancestor. Locate the other person along the left hand column, according to his relationship to the same common ancestor. The relationship is where the row and column intersect.

GC = Grandchild
GGC = Great Grandchild
N = Niece/Nephew
GN = Grand Niece/Nephew
#C = Number of Cousin
#R = Number of times removed

And, here's a bunch of pictures from our recent trip.

Son #4 getting ready for the traditional(??) Thanksgiving Morning Hike

On the cold cold Chicago Winter weather hike.

A couple of pictures from dinner at SanFrantello's

2 pictures of my 1st Cousins, once removed. (My first cousin's kids)

My Boys

My Sweet wife and Sue, the famous dinosaur bones

My Sweet wife and Son #4 at the Idea Factory at the CMSI.

My 1st Cousin Once removed and my 1st Cousin's wife

My 1st Cousin and his wife

My Great Grandfather's Grandkids. (My uncle and mom)

Self and Oldest offsprint (Me and #1)

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Dick Cheney Jokes About His Distant 'Cousin Barack' Obama
Saturday, October 27, 2007

WASHINGTON — Vice President Dick Cheney said Friday he hasn't reached out to "Cousin Barack" Obama since reports that the two share a distant relative.

In an interview for CNBC's "Kudlow & Company," Cheney was asked whether he and Obama, a Democratic presidential candidate, have discussed their ancestral link.

"Cousin Barack?" Cheney said. "No, we haven't — haven't had the opportunity to talk about it."

Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife, told MSNBC last week she uncovered the long-ago ties between the two while researching her ancestry for her latest book, "Blue Skies, No Fences."

The vice president said he was unsure about bringing it up with the Illinois senator.

"Well, I didn't know whether that would help him or hurt him, so I thought I'd probably stay away from him," he said.

Obama is a descendent of Mareen Duvall, said Ginny Justice, a spokeswoman for Lynne Cheney. The French Huguenot's son married the granddaughter of a Richard Cheney, who arrived in Maryland in the late 1650's from England.

The vice president's full name is Richard B. Cheney.

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You know you're in red neck country when a man introduces his wife and his cousin, and there's only one woman standing there.

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You might be a Redneck if you consider dating second cousins 'playing the field'

12/4 - I think I ate too much...

2007-12-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007
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Eating in Chicago – Ok, remember how I told you I lost 25
pounds? Well, I've lost a negative 5 more pounds. (gulp) So,
here's a run down of my excuses.

The night we touched down in Chicago, the boys wanted to go to
Portillo's restaurant. It's a Chicago Dog, Italian sausage fast
food type place. After getting our luggage, the rental car, and
headed out, it was 8:10 PM before we found our first
Portillo's. (We drove right to it with the help of the GPS). Of
course, they closed at 8:00 PM. We begged and told them we just
flew in from Salt Lake just to eat a Chicago Dog. Their
response was, “See you tomorrow.” The kids were pretty
disappointed, as the last time they remember getting
Portillo's, is when I had it flown out from Chicago for my
wife's birthday several years ago.

So, that first night on the way to our cousins' home, we wanted
something truly Chicago. White Castle seemed to be a good
second choice. (Since they were open 24/7, including
Thanksgiving eve) They have the tiny burgers with big buns. I
have never been impressed with them, but the kids seemed to
like 'em. We split 3 combo meals, and upgraded to sweet potato
fries. A little weird, but with sweet, drippy, cinnamon sauce,
they weren't that bad.

The next day was Thanksgiving. After participating in the
traditional Thanksgiving day hike, (What, you don't have family
traditions?) we went to the museum of science and industry (on
a free entrance day). We took a cousin, had a wonderful time,
and ate the traditional $8 side salad at the museum cafeteria.
Then we ate a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner put on by my Aunt.
During the next two days we managed to grab Chicago dogs at Gene and Judes and Portillo's. Both different from each other, but both really good.

One night I took the whole family out to a place in Geneva
called SanFrantello's Pizza. A bit pricey, but it was good and we had a great time.

The kids and my mom flew home on Sunday. At RSNA the vendors
really want to impress everyone, and wine and dine them. So,
Sunday night we went to the Shedd Aquarium with hundreds of
other people. They had a huge buffet with huge shrimp, salads,
hors d'oeuvres, and great deserts. There was even a little
chocolate one that I took a bite off. “Honey, does this taste a
little spicy to you?” I asked as I handed it to her. She took a
bite and we looked at each other, and at the same time said,
“Rum!”

Oops... We didn't try any more of those goodies.

The next night we ate at Hugo's Frog Bar and Fish House. I
think that was the best meal I had all week. I got the W.R.'s
Chicago Cut Prime Steak. Wow, it was good. (And paid for to
boot!)

On Tuesday night, we ate at an Italian place called Maggiano's Little Italy. It was really good too. It's a family style restaurant, and we had salmon, chicken, pasta, and calamari(!). They had an open bar, and someone suggested I try a Roy Rogers. It was a little sweet, but I didn't have to get the umbrella like a Shirley Temple. Since most of us were from Utah, I think only 1 of their customers actually ordered a 'real' drink that night.

On Wednesday, we went to the Tavern on Rush. It was another hoytee toytee fancy steak house. This time there were only 15 of us, and they let us order directly from the menu. (as opposed to having only 2 or 3 choices). So I ordered a filet mignon. Medium Rare thank you. But, when they brought out 14 other entries, they forgot mine. After 10 or 15 more minutes, they brought this huge piece of meat, slightly over done on the outside, and red and cool on the inside. Rare, not medium rare. So, I cut off the outsides and sent back the rest to the kitchen. It came back, slightly burned out the outside again, but medium rare on the inside. Much better, but everyone else was done, so I didn't finish. I wasn't quite sure how to act when someone else was paying for a fancy dinner, and then my meal gets messed up. But, everyone knew my dinner was late and not cooked right, so I think the guy who paid and the waiter had some words about it... Anyway, the food was ok, but the service wasn't that good.

Then, Thursday night, my Aunt and Uncle invited us out to their house for a (quiet) dinner. We had really good Salmon, and the best company all week!

So, Friday before we flew home was the only time my sweet wife and I got to pick somewhere to go alone. We picked Giordano's pizza. Mostly because it was only a block and a half away from our hotel, and right on the way to Ben and the parking lot. Earlier in the week we managed to fit in Pizzaria Uno's for lunch. And, comparing the two, I think I'd have to say Giordano's was better. (But we ate at Pizzaria Due's several years ago, [Uno's second restaurant] and I think that beat them both). But, as my boys would say, “it's all good.” When we ate at Giordano's on Friday night, we only ate 1/2 of the small pizza. We saved the 2nd half for lunch on the plane Saturday. (A night in the rental car kept is nicely frozen) I tired to take the pizza through security, and they yelled, “All food must be x-ray'd!” So, we had cold, zapped, pizza on the plane. (Not bad considering American Airlines was selling a full sized Snickers bar for $3!)

Anyway, that's my excuse for doing rotten on my diet for the past 2 weeks. What's yours?

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Here's an interesting article I ran across today...

Boy Scouts ignore 'pay-up-or-move' ultimatum
Philadelphia threatening $199,999 rent increase or eviction

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=59021

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Our family was dazzled by the sights and the bustling crowds during a visit to Manhattan. "This is the city that never sleeps," I told my eleven-year-old daughter.

"That's probably because there's a Starbucks on every corner," she observed.

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One little punctuation mark would have made a world of difference in the gigantic sign I saw posted outside a local family restaurant: "Kids Under 12 Eat Free Live Clown Every Wednesday."

12/3 - Home again home again jigity jig

2007-12-03T22:34:00.001-07:00

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Monday, December 03, 2007
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What a long vacation! We took the boys to Chicago for Thanksgiving and my sweet wife and I stayed for an extra week for the RSNA conference. (Radiologic Society of North America). It's a huge conference with upwards of 70,000 people attending. Doctors and participants take continuation classes, vendors vend, and take everyone out to expensive restaurants.

Here's a few notes on our Chicago trip. More later;

Eating breakfast – the day after my four boys flew back home to Salt Lake (Sunday) my sweet wife and I went out to breakfast at McDonald's. We each ordered a breakfast burrito, and I ordered a large orange juice for us to split. She went up to get napkins, forks, and a straw for us, but came back with enough plastic wear and straws for all six people! But, by the end of the week, she was getting only two straws.

Baker's shoe store – my sweet wife and I went to Baker's shoe store. They had hundreds and hundreds of shoes for sale, and lots of loud rock music playing. But the one thing that seemed odd in the store was the hat , their were no man shoes available for sale!

Chicago weather – The weather in Chicago was about the same temperature, as it was the Salt Lake last week, (about 30°F). But there is the reason that they call Chicago the Windy city. The wind was constantly blowing and the wind chill factor was usually between zero and five below. Next time I'll bring a warmer coat!

Chicago Board of trade – just around the corner from our hotel was the Chicago Board of trade. We toured their one afternoon, but after September 11, 2001, all they had for us to see was a small museum with pictures and fax about how CBOT worked. Not as exciting as I had hoped it would be.

Shopping on Michigan Avenue – it was kind of cool to see all of the lights and decorations on Michigan Avenue, but the prices were more expensive than they were online. My sweet wife found a Dick Blick Art supply store that she said she could, “stay and shop for hours”, but decided it was cheaper to shop at their store online instead. After one afternoon shopping on on Michigan Avenue, we found we 'shopped' a lot, but only bought a comic book and some stuff at Walgreens.

Chicago transportation - One mistake I made while on my first visit to RSNA this year, was to get a rental car. When we pulled up to the hotel there was a parking rate sign posted; Parking for less than two hours cost $12, 2-6 hours was $24, and parking overnight was $44. I asked the parking attendants if there was any cheaper parking in the area, and he said ”sorry you're in the big city now”. I ended up asking the concierge's desk where I could park for less, they told me that six blocks away was a parking lot at the Union Station parking lot for only $20 a day. (Oh boy, now that's cheap!) So every day at 6:30 p.m. We walked in the 0° wind chill to pay $20 to a parking attendant named Ben. We got to know him really well though, and even brought him a yo-yo from the conference, for his six year old little girl. He said she loved it.

In Chicago everyone uses public transportation; trains, taxicabs, or buses. And hundreds and hundreds (and Hundreds!) of people walk the sidewalks each day. When waiting to cross the street, one thing you have to learn is to not hang your toes over the curb, if you do you're libel to get them squashed by cab. My sweet wife and I also learned quickly that signal indicators and traffic lights are just a guideline for signaling. The “honk of a horn” is much more meaningful than in any other signal device available.

Eating in Chicago –
More on that in my next issue. You'll not want to miss it!

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section;

Marty,
Love the pictures! Thank you for sharing them with us. Your family is very good looking! I'm glad you have been able to find people recently, and like that the scout master is still in scouting with the same troop. Our Cub Pack leader took the job because he was the parent with 4 boys, I hope his dedication is like your leader.
Jen B, Ohio

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At Disneyland, forever
Last Friday, the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride at Disneyland was shut down after someone was seen dumping a powder into the water -- employees say it was human ashes. It is a misdemeanor in California to scatter ashes on private property without permission. But as more people opt for cremation instead of expensive burials, the state's Cemetery and Funeral Bureau is fielding more ash-scattering complaints from golf courses and other venues. "If these were rogue funeral directors out there tossing remains out of rides, we would take a very dim view," said bureau spokesman Kevin Flanagan. "But how are you going to enforce something like that?"

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Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her.

"Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."

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My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music and candlelight. "What do you think?" she said

He looked around. "Isn't this how we got here in the first place?"

11/20 - Here Turkey Turkey... Here Turkey Turkey...

2007-11-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007
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Hey hey, it's almost Turkey Day! But, I'm a bit nervous.

Check out this weather forecast for tomorrow.

Windy. Periods of rain and snow in the evening will become snow
showers late. Low 33F. Winds N at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of
precipitation 80%. A slushy accumulation of 1 to 3 inches.

Not too bad, unless that's on the busiest air travel day of the
year, and you're flying into one of the busiest airports in the US
with 4 boys and their sweet mother. But, that's a bad attitude
isn't it? I'll bet the turkey, family and friends will be worth
it.

The other day son #1 came home with a pre-mid term assignment
sheet. It had listed all of the test grades, missed assignments,
and classroom behavior. When son #1 handed it to my sweet wife she
said, “Oh, so you've missed this assignment, didn't do very well
on that test, etc...” Son #1 rolled his eyes and said, “Mom, give
me a break! This is a hard class. The teacher said to who ever got
a B- or better in her class, that she would send home a sheet
showing how good they did.” “Oh... oops...” she said sheepishly.
(Not that I'm putting down my sweet wife, I ~know~ I would have
drilled son #1 more more vigorously.)

And so it goes with our attitudes. Thursday is Thanksgiving and I
think there is too much negativity in the world. We all need to
look at the glass half full. So, I'm excited to fly in inclement
weather. That means there's good family, friends, and food waiting
at the other end!

In church Sunday, son #1 talked in front of our congregation about
being grateful for everything we have. He did a great job, and I'm
grateful to him that he's grown up to be such a fine young man.

There's a quote on our refrigerator that I often read (probably
from one of my sweet wife's Relief Society functions), that's
attributed to Mother Teresa, about not worrying about the bad, and
keep doing the good.

=-=-=-
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior
motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and
some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
~Mother Teresa
=-=-=-

So, be happy, be grateful, and say thank you!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Now, here's a funny video. Human tetris!

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And, check out this homemade speed bump!

11/13 - Two for two

2007-11-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007
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I'm bat'n 1000 in the last 3 days. I'm still going through a bunch of boxes of my dad's. These boxes have a lot of old letters, pictures, certificates, etc. One of the things I found was a newspaper that my 13 year old aunt, and my 6 year old father published at the hotel the family was running. In one of the articles they told about a new cousin that had been born. (in 1941). This cousin died about 10 years ago, but I decided to see if I could contact his widow. I checked out www.zabasearch.com and found her right away. I called her up and said, “Is this so and so...”
“Yes”
“I'm looking for the so-and-so who was married to such-and-such who died about 10 years ago.”
“I am her.”
“Well, I'm your husband's first cousin once removed...”
And so started the conversation, and I picked up another cousin in California. Hit one.

Then, tonight, I was going through more papers and found my some old Eagle Scout congratulation letters for me. I thought I'd try and look up my old Scout Master and tell him thanks. (I wrote a letter to him and sent it 3 years ago, but I had the wrong address.) Anyway, I looked on Zabasearch again, and he was the first guy I found. I called him up and said, “Did you used to be a Scout Master about 25 years ago...” And away our conversation went. Hit 2. It turns out that he was the Scout Master for that troop for 35 years. He said he stepped back into a lesser role about 10 or 15 years ago, but still works with that same troop. Some guys are just amazing like that. It's good to have great roll models growing up.

Anyway, last Saturday we got our pictures take. Here are a few that I thought were pretty good.

Enjoy

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

THIS WOMAN IN THE VIDEO FOUND THIS LION INJURED IN THE FOREST READY TO DIE.
SHE TOOK THE LION WITH HER AND NURSED THE LION BACK TO HEALTH. WHEN THE
LION WAS BETTER SHE MADE ARRANGEMENTS WITH A ZOO TO TAKE THE LION AND GIVE
IT A NEW AND HAPPY HOME.

THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN WHEN THE WOMAN AFTER SOME TIME WENT TO GO VISIT THE
LION TO SEE HOW HE WAS DOING.
WATCH THE LION'S REACTION WHEN HE SEES HER. AMAZING!!!!!

11/7 - Today, life is good...

2007-11-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007
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Monday we went to our favorite movie house and saw 'Underdog'. I
was expecting a really cheesy movie, but things turned out better
than expected.

At dinner I asked the kids which movie they wanted to see; Passage
to Zerahemla or Underdog. I knew Passage would be a little violent
(but people at work assured me it was ok for a 6 year old...) Son
#4 also has always had a thing about unknown stuff. He doesn't
like to hike. He doesn't like to go to unknown places, or movies
he hasn't seen before. I'm sure it has to do with his sight and
falling, and watching Pirates of the Caribbean before he was old
enough.

Anyway, at dinner, son #4 refused to go to either movie. “What if
I don't like it?” he'd say. Or, “What if it's scary?” So I guided
the boys into convincing him to go to Underdog. This killed two
birds with one stone. It got him to (reluctantly) go to a movie
for family night, and gave the older boys a stake in one movie
over the other, rather than argue about which one to see.

So, I really liked Underdog. It was believable, (ok not really,
but sort of...) and the story line was good. Although the only
drawback to the whole movie was that the short Simon Bar-sinister
was a rotten actor. But, other than that it was great. I'd rate it
a 3.5 out of 4 boys rating). During the whole movie everyone was
laughing out loud (including son #4). After the movie we asked him
how he like it. He knew the teasing would be forthcoming, so he
scowled and said, “There were some parts I didn't like.” When we
asked him which ones, he couldn't think of any and finally said he
was glad he went.

Now, I used to pop popcorn and sneak it in to the theaters, but a
few years ago one of my readers suggested that that was teaching
my boys the wrong thing about 'stealing'... I protested, but
finally relented. I haven't sneaked popcorn in for over a year I
think. Even though the ticket prices are 50¢ each, the popcorn and
2 pops for the 6 of us is almost $15. Wow. I guess I'll lighten my
wallet and loosen my belt. (Yeah, I know, but I have no self
control when it comes to movie popcorn.)

So, today, life is good.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I posted a 20% off coupon for VF Factory Outlet stores. (web)
They encourage you to pass it to friends and family. Have fun!

Here's a funny Halloween prank video

Here's another I thought was funny...

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She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of
caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the
hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few
days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were
brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move
out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the
expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to
return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be
willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting
the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed
on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth,
but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed
and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain
rods!!!!!!

I love a happy ending, don't you?
~#1 Mom

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered
to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?' 'Because white
is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her
life.' The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~Wanda D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an
aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much
younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.

"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises,"

The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"

"Twenty-six," I replied.

~Wanda D.

11/5 - That sounds smart enough...

2007-11-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, November 05, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had a great Halloween night. I got to stay home with the dog,
and hand out candy, while the rest of the crew headed out for
treats. I had a total of 3 groups of kids. About 12 in all. Almost
not worth staying home. But, it was fun, none the less.

Son #4 was a pirate. He wore a patch over his blind eye, and
didn't seem to have any problems at all. (go figure). When
everyone got home, my sweet wife said that son #4 said, “Mom, will
you carry my candy?” She replied, “What for?” He said, “So I can
stick people with my sword.” And she said, “But you don't have a
sword with you.” and he said, “But mom, if I carry all that candy,
people won't even imagine that I have a sword.”

Hmm... I guess that makes sense.

A couple of weeks ago son #4 came home and said, “Guess what mom?
I ran a mile and came in second.” She brushed him off and said,
“That's nice honey...”

We had a parent teacher conference for him last week, and we were
going over his accomplishments and setting some goals. I asked how
long it would be before we could think about mainstreaming him
into a regular class. The teacher said she would look into getting
him into some class time with the 'regular' students at his
elementary school. Then she said, “We already have lunch, recess,
and PE with the regular kids.”

“Oh, how is that going?” I asked.

The elementary school is right next to a high school that has a
quarter mile track on it. The teacher said, “The kids went with
the other class and ran around the track 4 times. Son #4 came in
2nd place out of both classes.”

Um, oh, maybe we should start to believe our kid once in awhile.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section;

Am impressed with the weight loss!!! Also with the hair growth on
son #4. My hair came back in very thin with lots of scalp seen
through the front growth.
Wanda D.

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My co-worker was being let go due to a nasty habit she had
of not always showing up for work. As an officer in our
union, I was preparing to argue on her behalf when she took
matters into her own hands and insisted, "But I was really
sick this time!"

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Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife
Was really angry so she told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a Gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6
seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his
wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough There was a
box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused by the
small size, his wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway
and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
~Jan D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

My brother was recently launched into the "real world" and shocked
by the expenses that came with it, he was complaining about the
high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad,
"the premium would be lower." He smiled. "That would be like
buying an airline just to get free peanuts."

=-=-=-

Scientists Decode the First Low-Frequency Radio Waves From an
Alien Civilization Ever to Reach Earth...

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your
Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other
Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy
reaches maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

10/30 - Early Christmas?

2007-10-30T22:58:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other night there was an orchestra concert at the High School
for son #1. Afterwards, we all headed to Wendy’s for Frosties.
When we left, there was a small Italian Restaurant next door that
had a big sign right in front of our van that said, “Tired of
Burgers? Try Us!” It was a new little place (really little) called
Little Italy or something. I told my sweet wife that we needed to
try it on our next date night.

She reminded me that there was a new Ribs place by Smith’s that we
wanted to try first. So, last week was the rib place, and Friday
night was Little Italy. I think I like the Italian place better.
Not that the rib place was bad, it just seemed... well... regular
I suppose. Anyway, the Italian place only had 12 tables or so, and
there were only 4 full tables. (Which doesn’t bode well for first
impressions). But, I think it’s still pretty new. We joked that
the music playing must have been from some stereotypical Italian
music CD. We had heard all but 1 or 2 songs. But, after awhile it
blended in with the atmosphere, which I thought was really great.

Then, the food was really good too. It took several minutes for
the pre-dinner bread to come out, but it was hot and (of course,
Italian) tasted wonderful. We finished the small loaf, and when
our dinner came, my sweet wife asked for more. “Oh, just a second,
we’ll throw another one in the oven.” So, that’s why it takes a
few minutes for the bread. The salad was just your average iceberg
lettuce fair, and not very impressive, but the house dressing
tasted homemade and was very garlicy. Wonderful stuff.

Anyway, both of our spaghetti’s were great. And next time I’d like
to try the pizza. Although I’m sure it wasn’t good for my
triglycerides, I’d still give it a 4½ out of 5 date night stars.

Little Italy Pizzeria & Ristorante
9284 S. 700 E.
Sandy UT 84070
(801)255-0363
Dominic Galati

Also on Friday, we got a call from Primary Children’s Hospital.
(Why does my heart drop ever time they call. Ug...) But this time
it was good news. They said, “We have a very generous donor who
would like to give you a pair of tickets to the Hanna Montana
concert tomorrow.” Well, Yeah... Of course son #4 would love to
go! So son #4 and I did. We got to sit in a suite with about 15
other kids. The suite had all of the goodies; food, and lots of
it. Hot dogs and big chicken nuggets for the kids, and shrimp for
me. Boy, I love shrimp! They also brought ice cream and brownies.
There was a TV, bathroom, kitchen sink, and drinks galore. It was
awesome. Son #4 and I had a great time! David Vankomen, owner and
CEO of Vankomen Media was the generous donor. He seemed like a
really nice guy too! Anyway, here are some pictures with captions.

Here's a couple of pictures just before the concert. I've never met
any of these folks before. That in itself was interesting.
David's the one in blue.

Here are a couple of shots from stage right. We saw backstage too, and
that was cool. Son #4's favorite thing to say when people ask him about
the concert is, "They even had fireworks... Inside!" The 2nd photo is one
of the Jonas Brothers. Good music. Really loud.

We got there several minutes late, and when I tried to get son #4
to go to his seat in the front, it was already dark. He couldn't
see the stairs very well, and refused to go any further than the
protective table (that fed him all concert long). He does not like
new things that he can't see well. (Hiking, dark stairs, etc.)

At son #4's last IEP, they talked about using a monocular for him, along with
his white cane and braille studies. They suggested we try them out at
concerts and sporting events. So, I brought along some binoculars. He seemed
to do pretty well with them.

Here you see ketchup and blue M&M juice on his face. Matches the ear plugs I'd say.

This little girl and son #4 were the only ones who were dancing. Her mom
seemed to really have a good time too. I asked son #4 why he was dancing
so hard, and he said, "Hanna told me to!"

45 minutes after this girl's mom told me her daughter had type I dibetes,
I brought down the tray of brownies and offered everyone some. I felt
like such a putz when she said, "Um, no thanks. She can't have any."
D'oh!

Then, just before the concert started, David handed out a gift
bag to each of the kids. Each bag had a Nintendo DS game system,
with ‘Brain Age 2’ and another game inside. I thought, wow! Are
you kidding? It was really nice. But, I immediately thought of
sons #1, #2, and #3, and thought how they might be jealous.
(Especially son #3 who seems to think life is unfair to him, and
such a blessing for son #4. I can see his point, with the brain
tumor/youngest son/”profoundly socially adept” thing going on,
it's easy to miss some things with the other boys. But, I
digress...)

So, on the way home I asked son #4 if he wouldn’t mind sharing
his new treasure with his brothers. Without hesitation he said,
“Sure dad” Almost as if to say it rolling his eyes, ‘like there
would be any doubt dad...’ He is a good kid.

So, last night for family night we carved pumpkins (I think mine
is the best this year) and wrote thank you notes to Mr. Vankomen.

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Reading over this issue of the JOTD, and the last couple of
ones, I’ve noticed I’ve written a lot about food. (Wendy’s
frosties, ribs, Italian food, shrimp, etc.) I guess it shows I’m
more appreciative of the stuff anymore. Last August I got serious
about a diet. As of this morning, I’ve shed 25 pounds. I love it
when people who know me, and don’t know I’m on a diet say, “have
you lost weight?” It gives me a thrill! But, I’ve really tried to
keep it hush hush. I suppose it’s because I guess I’m embarrassed
about my weight. Anyway, one of my ‘treats’ I told myself I’d give
myself at 25 pounds, was that I would tell my JOTD readers. So,
the next time you see me, give me an ‘atta boy, but don’t give
up now...’ message.

=-=-=-

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A man walks into an ice cream shop and asks, "I'd like two scoops
of chocolate ice cream, please." The girl behind the counter
replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of chocolate." "In that
case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice
cream." "We're out of chocolate," the girl repeated. "Then just
give me one scoop," he insists. Frustrated, the girl says, "Sir,
will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla?'" "V-A- N." "Now spell
'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'" "S-T-R-A-W." "Now," the girl asked,
"spell 'stink,' as in chocolate." The man hesitates. "There's no
stink in chocolate." "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
she screams.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

"What is that sound?" a woman asked at our nature center. "It's
the frogs trilling for a mate," Patti, the naturalist, explained.
"We have a pair in the science room. But since they've been
together for so long, they no longer sing to each other."
The woman nodded sympathetically, "The trill is gone."

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Two female privates are ordered to paint the general's office.
They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms. So they lock
the door, strip off their clothes and get to work. An hour later,
there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?" they ask. "Blind man."
Thinking nothing of it, the privates open the door. "Hi," says the
man. "Where do you want the blinds?"

10/23 - Another day trying not to think about ~it~.

2007-10-23T22:59:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, we’re just back from a financial seminar dinner. You know, one
of those... “come-to-a-fancy-dinner-and-learn-about-our-company-
and-let-us-invest-your-money-for-you-of-course-we’ll-take-just-a-
little-bit-of-coin-from-you-too” dinners. Well, when they asked, I
was feeling rich, and hungry, and when they mentioned Carvers
Steak and Chop house, I jumped at the chance. Only, the invitation
said, “geared for ages 55 and above”. So, I was feeling just a
little guilty when I called to make reservations. When I asked
about the 55 year old requirement, she said, “No Problem!” So, I
felt better about going, but, I think I was the youngest one in
the room. But, that’s ok, I still think I can swim with the big
fish and hold my own.

Anyway, son #4 called just as we were being served prime rib and
said, “Mom, I’m hungry!” (son #1 was making dinner just then) and
added, “and you ~never~ eat dinner with us!” Which tugged at both
of our heart strings. But considering we eat dinner with them at
least 5 times a week (And more like 6 nights a week [or 7 times if
we miss ‘date night’ together]) I didn’t feel guilty too long,
especially with a 10 oz slab of prime rib on my plate!

Anyway, I’m trying to keep busy and keep my mind on other things.
I keep telling myself, he’s either got tumors or he doesn’t, and
there’s not a thing you can do about it, so get over it. So, I
try, and on with life we go.

I’m finally getting caught up on my blog reading. A couple of my
favorites that I need to link in my blog are – Scary stuff, all
that fire in California!

The Musings of a Space Nerd

THE GREAT GLADDEN FAMILY

Melody’s Doodles

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Reader Comments;
Marty's jotd on a Friday???? Well, I guess it helps to make up
for all the days you missed. And thanks for the jokes again.
It's been so long I forgot what I sent you. Well, I guess it
doesn't have to be very long for that (I'll say it before you
can) Love, #1 Mom

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A disappointed soft drink salesman returned from his Middle East
assignment. His boss asked, "Why weren't you successful with the
Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I
was very sure to make a good sales pitch as our product was
virtually unknown there. I didn't know to speak Arabic, so I
planned to convey the message through 3 posters. My first poster
was a man crawling through the hot desert sand, totally exhausted
and panting. Second, the man is drinking our soft drink and third,
our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted
all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the boss.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic but I
didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left."

~Wanda D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old, Billy, was utterly amazed,
and a little bit disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his
mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she
sked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby
kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy,
she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged Mary.

"A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My
fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the
awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our
breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us
some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a
woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you
eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I
devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and
asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"

10/19 - Can I go too?

2007-10-19T23:01:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, October 19, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, let’s get back to a little bit of normalcy here. Yes, there
are jokes at the end Uncle B...

The Candlelighters Childhood cancer foundation “...provides
information and awareness for children and adolescents with cancer
and their families, to advocate for their needs, and to support
research so every child survives and leads a long and healthy
life.” (They also throw cool parties and give away neat stuff!)
Yesterday I got an email that Hale Center Theater had some extra
tickets for a play, and gave a block of them to Candlelighters.
And, they had 6 of them for us.

Tonight we saw a play that I’d never heard of before called, “Once
on this Island”. An interesting play loosely based on ‘The Little
Mermaid’; After a car crash on the ‘poor’ side of the island, a
girl heals the ‘rich’ car driver. They fall in love, but she’s a
peasant, he’s a rich aristocrat. Yadda Yadda...

My sweet wife really liked it. But, for 4 boys, and a family
outing, I’ll only give it 1½ boys out of 4. For a date night,
probably a 2. It was done in a Caribbean style, and some of the
lines were hard to understand. Twords the end, son #4 fell asleep on
my sweet wife’s lap. Son’s #1, 2, and 3 sat in front of us. Son’s
#2 and 3 (as usual) were poking and aggravating each other. I said to
son #2, “Do you want to go and sit in the van for the rest of the
play?” Son #4 perked up and said, “Can I go too?”

I think we’ll wait for a comedy next time.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. My Chicago Cousin is in town for the weekend. Wendy is the
CEO and founder of eMomsAtHome.com and is speaking at a conference
in Salt Lake. I haven’t seen her in years. Lots of catching up to
do this weekend!

=-=-=-
Reader Comments;

Lots and LOTS of well wishers and comments. Too many to mention,
and way to many to respond to each one. Let me just say “Thanks!”
to everyone who wrote in with support.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much
every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried,
except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting
on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander
off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick
exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the
cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to
watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you
ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and
other electronic devices?"
He hadn't, and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big
radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's
really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost
hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk
to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and
met his wife at the road.
Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he
should have.
"Well, what is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly
shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "Her name is Sally, and she's a
battery salesperson"
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied.
She sells C cells by the seashore.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an
expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the
deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out
that the man does look good in the black suit he is already
wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her
husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a
blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I
don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue
suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the
wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous
blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very
satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How
much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents
her with the blank check. He says, "There's no charge." "No,
really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite
blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It
cost nothing". You see, a deceased gentleman of about your
husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,
and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if
she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead,
and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
"So I switched the heads"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
Looking out for me.

I no longer eat KFC because the chickens they use are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to numerous emails, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave anymore, because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.

I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could
be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since the delivery
guys are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my
phone line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up the five-
dollar bill I find in the parking lot because it probably was
placed there by a predator waiting underneath a car to grab my
leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 100,000 people in the
next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go
straight to hell when you die.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next-
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...

~My #1 mom

10/17 - C'mon Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

2007-10-17T22:29:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Driving to Brain Tumor clinic today was not pleasant. I had this butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach that came ‘this close’ to making me toss my cookies. This ‘what if’ stuff is for the birds!

The oncologist said that the 2 spots are in "the exact same place" that they have been since the post surgery MRI, and that's what we saw on the images. (Kind of what I thought) They were only 2 and 3mm in size, (not the 5mm I thought the radiologist said). I think the radiologist only looked at one ‘relevant prior’ which is the last MRI he had. He didn’t look at all of the prior studies. I think, if he had, he’d have seen the 2 spots come and go. The oncologist also said that sometimes the radiologists don’t put in everything they see. (IE: Dr. Hedlin didn’t put in anything in his reports about the 2 spots, I guess because they were really small.)

However, (isn’t there always a ‘however...’) on Monday’s MRI the gadolinium contrast made the spots appear 'brighter', which our oncologist said should mean bad news. But, she's seen a lot of times that the timing of the contrast vs. timing of the MRI will make things look worse than they really are. She said, "We're pretty sure it's nothing, but can’t promise you anything." She told us to, “...have a good holiday season” and that they’d like to see us in about 2 months instead of 4 months, “just to make sure.”

Hopefully we’ve dodged a bullet. But, now we have to hold our breath again for 8 10 weeks. Everything else seems normal. Relatively speaking that is...

On another sad note, our pet parakeet Kiki died last night. He just got too old and he finally gave in to whatever was ailing him for the past several months. We had a nice little ceremony in the back yard, complete with tears and appropriately, the season’s first snow.
Marty

10/16 - Brain Tumor Roulette - When your number comes up.

2007-10-16T16:10:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad news folks. I really thought we were heading for the 5 year mark with clean scans all the way. We thought that after son #4’s brain tumor, we’d just have to hold our breath for 5 years (where something like 90% of kids who live that long with no recurrence survive cancer free) We’ve been kind of reeling for the last 24 hours, but a trip to the temple this morning calmed us down a bit, and put things in prospective.

Yesterday, when the radiologist called us into his office, ‘to show us some things’ rather than just coming out to the recovery room and saying, “everything’s fine, go home”, we knew there was a problem.

He showed us two spots on the MRI that he called, “areas that are very worrisome.” He said the two spots measured 5mm each (just less than 2 tenths of an inch). He also said that no doctor would operate on something that small, but suggested that we not wait 4 month until the next MRI.

Here’s what I’m hoping. I think it was at least a year ago, Dr. Hedlin, a radiologist, told us that there were 2 areas of concern, and that they would watch them. He said they looked like they could be scar tissue. I’m hoping that these are the same things he saw, and they were caught ‘just right’ by an MRI slice (one MRI image is a ‘slice’ of tissue, and several slices make up the whole study.)

Maybe it’s just denial, maybe it’s false hope, but it’s what we have. We’ve got brain tumor clinic tomorrow, and may find out more...

More on the brain tumor roulette on your kids life.

Marty

10/15 - Today's the day

2007-10-15T11:33:00.001-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, October 15, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is MRI day at the hospital. I hate MRI days. My co-worker had a dentist appointment that he wouldn’t change, so I had to go in to work. Luckily my boss is great and let me take a ‘long’ lunch, and take calls from the hospital

When son #4 was in the lab to get his IV and blood drawn, the nurse on the IV team got a call to do an IV in the NICU. Son #4 looked up and said, “You can go ahead, I’ll wait.” No such luck. So, son #4 already has his ‘poke’ and we’re sitting in the MRI waiting room, the one we always get, listening to the baby in the next room scream her head off while they put in her IV. Sometimes the IV team just doesn’t get it. One time they poked son #4 6 times before they got his MRI in. We now know to get him to drink as much liquids as possible before he gets ‘poked’. It makes the vessels get bigger.

When the nurse practitioner came in, she looked like a pretty stern lady; all business. I thought to myself, I’ll give her about 60 seconds before son #4 says something that makes her smile. She said, “So is this your first MRI, or have you been here before?” We all just rolled our eyes and said, “Lots of times...” When she looked at son #4, she said, “Oh, so you’re a doctor?” (He’s wearing his new scrubs) And he replied matter of factly, “Um, No, I’m not really a doctor; I’m just a kid who’s wearing scrubs.” Bingo, 49 seconds. Almost a record.

This is about our 5th or 6th MRI, so we know the ropes. Where the bathrooms are, where to sit, what to do while he’s in his MRI. We always go to the cafeteria right after son #4 falls asleep. They’re always closed between 10-11, so we grab a cold sandwich. Now, our next step is to get a radiologist to read the MRI and tell us everything is fine.

More later.

Enjoy today’s jokes!
Marty

10/8 - Family Rat Sailing

2007-10-08T22:34:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, October 08, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ratatouille; (IPA:[rætə’tui,-‘twi]; French pronunciation:
[ʁata’tuj]) - a southern French dish of vegetables cooked
together. Usually included are diced onion, sautéed in oil,
eggplant, garlic, green peppers, tomatoes, zucchini, flavored with
oregano, thyme, rosemary and basil.

Ratatouille is also a pretty good movie. (Especially at the dollar
theater, with half price family night tickets on Monday.) Ok, I
have to admit, my sweet wife and I, and my #1 mom saw it in San
Francisco, in a hotel room when we went there last month. I
thought the boys would enjoy it. Oh, you didn’t know about my San
Francisco trip? Sorry. We went to see my 90 year old Great Uncle,
my 100 year old 1st cousin twice removed (both on my mom’s side),
and a 4th cousin once removed, on my dad’s side. [For those of you
wondering, my Great Great Great Great Grandparents, and her Great
Great Great Grandparents were the same. Peter [marty’s-last-name]
was born in 1782 in New Jersey. Yes, the internet is great for
finding lost cousins...] Anyway, I digress. The movie was really
good, and I give it a four out of four sons rating.

Ok, here’s the really cool thing about the internet and finding a
cousin you never knew you had; They are the nicest people! (And
look like us in a distant sort of way...) We had lunch with
Barbara, her sister, and Barbara’s husband. They were the nicest
people you could hope to meet. And, to boot, they took us sailing
on San Francisco Bay in their sail boat! Here’s several pictures.

"MeMe" The 30 foot sailing boat

Marty Sailing out of the Harbor

Barbara (Cousin #197?)

Captain Norm (The nicest guy ever!)

Joyce (Cousin #198?)

My Sweet wife, Me, and My #1 mom. The day after, all a bit Sun burned.

Last week I even got a nice card telling ~US~ how much they
enjoyed our visit. So I feel terribly guilty, I haven’t even
written them since we got back. [note to self: write that thank
you card!] Cool people. But, then again, they are blood!

Funny stuff; Son #1, #2, and #3 didn’t have school today. Son #4
did. (4 boys in 4 different schools in two different districts
makes for an interesting schedule!) Son #1 convinced my sweet wife
to take them to Best Buy, where they had some software on sale for
$10. When they got there, my sweet wife jokingly said, “I dunno,
it’s rated teen...” Son #1 turned into a 6 year old, “But
Moooommm...” She grinned and teased, “I don’t think you’re old
enough.” Then he said, “Let me see the box.” He looked at it for a
second, and then licked the front of it. “There, now I have to buy
it.” Hmm... wasn’t that on a car commercial about 6 months ago?
Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments;

Hi Marty!
I've missed you. I wish you and your family all the best. #4's MRI
will be fine.
Love always, Lillian
Have a good day
=-=-
Glad to see you posting again. I was afraid that yahoogroups might
have had my email in bouncing status or something.
--kh
=-=-
Welcome back! It is good to see you writing again...
Angel

10/7 - Fart Jar and Conference Guilt

2007-10-07T22:15:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday, October 07, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son #4 finally lost another tooth. This is yet another great
milestone, considering all of the radiation the sent through his
noggin. Then, at the dinner table he let one rip, and 4 accusing
fingers pointed at him and yelled, “It wasn’t me!” Of course mom
just shook her head. So, he had to pay the 25¢ penalty.

He was watching a movie tonight and said, “Dad, you know that
25¢ I put in the fart jar?” (He got $1.50 from the tooth fairy)
I said, “Yeah”. He said, “Well mom gave me another quarter for
it.” “What?!” I said, “How are you going to learn not to fart at
the table if mom gives you a quarter when you have to pay?”

Mom came running out of her (new) art room. “No... He didn’t
tell you that he had to do an extra choir and ‘earn’ a quarter.”

“Oh, I forgot that” he said.

So goes fun stuff at our house. I keep thinking, ‘that would be
something to put on the JOTD.” And then I’ve just gotten out of
the habit so bad, that I haven’t done it.

Today was General Conference. Elder Eyring gave a good talk this
morning, and I know he was talking to me when he spoke of an
experience he had and said, “I’m not giving you these
experiences for yourself, write them down.” ...record them for
your children, in the future. So, at least today, I’m writing
again.

I know both moms and my sweet wife have asked when I was going
to start the JOTD again. Maybe today...

I can’t believe it’s been 4 months since son #4’s last MRI. A
week from tomorrow is his next one. Wish us luck!

Enjoy today.
Marty

8/15 - Teasing and Checking in

2007-08-15T08:14:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave Said: "I was just checking in on you all - I hope all is well"

Yes, Dave. I'm still here. Things have been really hectic here, and
I haven't taken the time to write. Plus, once I get out of the
habit of writing, it's hard to get back in.

Our High School Reunion went well. It was a lot of work, but well
worth it. We're still working on the flooded basement. Each day I
go to work, come home and rip out walls in the basement and finish
putting together the bathroom. The tile, shower, sink, and toilet
are now in place, and that part is starting to come together. On
the rest of the basement we're still trying to get contractors to
come and bid the job, and then find places in the garbage cans for
all of the walls we take out.

Over the past couple of weeks I keep seeing things that are funny
and say to myself, "I could use that in the JOTD." But then I don't
get to the computer fast enough to remember it. But, I called my
sweet wife this morning and asked if she had remembered anything
funny. She had one.

We tease a lot in our house. And son #4 gets it just as much as the
rest of the boys. He has a very difficult time seeing things that
are close in color (IE: mashed potatoes on a white plate or a green
toy gun on the green grass. [ok, a brown toy gun on the brown
grass]) Anyway, we'll tease him and say something like, "What, do
you think you're blind or something??" Not enough to hurt him, but
hopefully just enough to prepare him for a cruel world in his
future. And he really takes it in stride.

When we're working on the basement and ask one of the boys to do
something, or point out something obvious, they'll say, "Duh mom!
I'm not blind!" And, since the family has been working a lot
together downstairs, little boys pick up habits from bigger boys.
The other day my wife said something obvious to son #4 and he
yelled back, "Duh mom! I'm not that blind!"

Enjoy today.

Marty

7/30 - More Fun in the Sun!

2007-07-30T18:33:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, July 30, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I told you in my last issue that I’d tell you what the
worst thing in the world you could hear while you’re on a
week long Pioneer trek. How about if the Stake President
(Who, by the way, plays a mean guitar background while penny
whistles are playing!) came up to me during the trek on
Thursday afternoon, put his hand on my shoulder and said,
“Your mother-in-law called one of my councilors to relay a
message. It seems you had some flooding problems at your
house.” Ugg... Ok, not the worst thing in the world, but it’s
up there on the list.

On Wednesday night when son #3 came down to let Buddy the dog
in, everything was fine. But when he went back on Thursday
morning he opened the front door and there was water spurting
out from under the kitchen sink. He ran back to Grandma’s
house to alert the troops. I guess a fitting on the hot water
supply line came apart right under the sink fixture. We
figure it ran all night long, maybe up to 15 hours.

Grandma and Grandpa ran down, turned off the water main line,
and stood there in disbelief. It was a huge mess. The two
basement drains worked pretty well, but not well enough.
There was about 2 inches of water over most of the basement,
and it got to most everything; all of the carpet, my sweet
wife’s art supplies, some of her finished paintings, the
kids’ video games, their computers, the laundry, and all of
the “stuff” that comes with having 6 messy people in a modest
home. Fortunately my computer and a lot of my genealogy
pictures and files were saved.

After working on it a while, Grandma and Grandpa decided it
was a larger job then they could handle. Luckily they were
collecting our mail and found an insurance notice with our
agent’s phone number on it. They called and the agent got a
clean up crew out there within an hour. Funny thing though,
since then I’ve been working with the insurance adjuster, but
I have yet to hear from my agent. He hasn’t even called to say,
“So, how ya doing?” yet. Hmm... Do they just sell you
stuff and then collect money over the next 30 years?

In the basement, with 70’s style paneling and a (really?) wet
bar we rarely used, we’ve decided to rip everything out and
remodel. We think this plan will fit nicely in to our
schedule. However, now that the Pioneer trek is over, there’s
still a small matter of week long Boy Scout camp, being in
charge of a 25 year HS reunion, “ride for kids” and the
“rubber ducky derby” next month. So we’ll just take one day
at a time.

On the other hand, with all trials there are always some
lessons to be learned. Here are a few of mine;

1.) Trudging across the Rocky Mountains pulling everything
you own on a handcart, gives you a different perspective on
the blessings you already have. So now, whenever I tell
people about our flood, I use my new three favorite words;
“It’s just stuff”

2.) Although living down the street from your in-laws can be
a double edged sword, if your in-laws are a cool as mine,
it’s really a blessing. (At least for us it is, I can’t speak
for them [grin])

3.) Having replacement coverage insurance is a must. I think
this is the only claim we’ve had on our homeowners insurance
in the last 20 years, and I’m grateful that our adjustor is
good to work with. (But that agent of ours...)

4.) Having replacement coverage insurance is also a double
edged sword;
“You have $7,000 worth of contents (or “stuff”) damage.
But, the depreciation value is $4,500. In order to get your
additional $2,500, you have to buy $7,000 worth of “stuff”
and show us the receipts.”
Not that having to buy $7,000 worth of “stuff” is necessarily
bad, but it would have been nice to put the money in the bank
and buy “stuff” only after we needed it. When I first heard
about the flood, I was looking forward to just throwing out
most of our “stuff” and starting over. I’m now convinced that
this is result of the scripture ‘prove me now herewith...
...[I’ll] open you the windows of heaven and pour you out a
blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it’
(Malachi 3:10). Ok, I get it. Tithing works, very well thank
you...

5.) And finally, I’ve learned that there is perspective in
everything. Years ago I would have thought that a trial with
a flooded basement was a big deal. After dealing with a
pediatric brain tumor and all that goes with it, this trial
is a walk in the park.

So, day to day, we’re still learning and plugging along.

And, hare are a couple more things that are happening. Son #4
got invited to a golf tournament put on by Smith’s grocery
store, raising money for Primary Children’s Medical Center.
(his brain tumor hospital). Son #4 got to play in a pee-wee
golf tournament with Rod Zundle, one of the local sports
casters. Rod seemed pretty busy practicing his swing at the
driving range, calling on his cell to get the Jazz Bear and
his cameraman there, but once they started playing golf, they
seemed to do well. I’ve got some good video that they played
on the news last night; I just have to remember how to post
it on the web for you to see. Out of the 8 teams, son #4 and
Rod didn’t get the best score, but he did win a blue 4 gig
Ipod nano. It holds 1000 songs. I’m not sure he even knows
that many songs! [Side Note; The night before the tournament
I told son #4 we needed to get out my putter and practice
putting. His response? “What’s a putter?” When he won the
Ipod, Rod Zundel (on camera) said, “Look son #4, you won an
Ipod!” His response? “What’s an Ipod?”]

Son #4, Rod Zundle, and the Jazz Bear

Son’s #1 and #2 thought the Ipod was pretty cool, but son #3
was a bit jealous. “Mom, it’s been 2 years since son #4 had a
brain tumor, and he’s STILL getting free stuff. It’s not
fair!” Yup, he’s right, but what can you say to him?

“I’m sure he’d trade you places if he could...”
“He’ll be blind all of his life...”
“He didn’t ask for it...”
“People are just trying to be nice to him...”

None seem to be the right thing to say.

And, what do you do?
Buy son #3 him his own? No, that rewards whining.
Buy #1, #2, and #3 their own? No, too expensive and wasteful.
Sell son #4’s and get something he could use? Maybe...
Convince son #4 to give it to dad and all will be well with
the world? Yeah, that’s the best idea.
We’re trying to pay more attention to son #3, but he senses
it and wants even more. How can 4 personalities be so
different?

So, life goes on...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes
Marty

7/24 - A few short stories

2007-07-24T07:35:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, we’re still around and Its Christmas! (even though it’s
Pioneer day in Utah.)

Ok, it’s not really Christmas, but this month seems like a
December. Not because it’s cold. (We’ve had record days above 100º
this month) But, because this month is so darn busy!

Here are some updates, and some stories I can remember;

My Father’s estate; The antique auctioneer guy came and hauled all
of the antiques out of dad’s house. The auction is August 12th in
Ogden Utah, if anyone is interested.

We got my sweet wife’s little brother married off in Manti Utah.
It was on 07-07-07. I don’t think that Manti Temple has ever been
busier. They had something like 36 weddings there that day. On the
Friday before the wedding, we came down early and went fishing. I
caught 3 fish, but grandpa said I only caught 2 (and tied with
him). Probably because I let son #4 reel in one of my catches. But
I know I still out fished him! – At the reception when the groom
threw his new wife’s garter to the single males there, son #1
caught it. Now he just needs a girlfriend and a driver license!

Let’s see, what else? We’re getting a simple bath room remodel
done. But, our handy dude has gone missing for 3 days, and we’ve
got two huge holes in our basement floor, all the way to the dirt.
Looks like this is going to be a long job. [Huge update on this in
my next issue...]

A Funny; Son #4 said to my sweet wife today, “Mom this eye,”
(pointing to his “good” eye) “is for seeing. And this eye,”
(pointing to his totally blind eye) “is just for decoration.”

One last thing I can remember; Last night we took the Scout troop
up past Alta ski resort (at about 9200 feet) and had a quick camp
out. There were 6 Scouts sleeping in a large tent. There was a lot
of wile life around. We saw a full sized male moose wandering
through our camp, and heard several coyotes the next morning. But
that night, at 10:00 pm, I went over and told the boys to be
quiet. At 10:30 I did the same thing. Still no luck. At 11:00 I
had had enough. I quietly went over to the tent, started
‘sniffing’ and snorting. I moved the gravel around with my foot to
make them think something was out there. Then I scratched their
tent and made more noise. They kept on chatting. But, one boy
finally said, “What’s that? Be quiet! What was that?” After about
15 seconds they were all listening to me. Finally one boy stood
up, started to undue the window, and I growled really loud,
scaring all 6 of the boys, pretty good. They screamed and yelled,
and I finally said, “Now get to bed and be quiet this time!”

But, unfortunately, it was one of those, “Boy, that was a dumb
thing I did” moments. Those 6 boys were so scared, that they
stayed up most of the night scared to death of what was out there.
I even got a call from son #2 at 4:00 AM saying, “There’s a Moose
or an Elk sniffing outside my tent and I don’t know what to do!”
Yeah, right. At 4 AM while it’s pouring rain. Mr. Moose is bedded
down somewhere. Anyway, it was one of those nights.

I’ll tell you more about our Pioneer Trek adventure and “what’s
the worst thing that could happen to your house when you’re out
for a week” in my next issue.

Marty

6/27 - Fish Poop - (Bass Turds)

2007-06-27T22:38:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so the other ward has a new Scout Master. And since there are
only 2 boys in our troop, we’ve combined with them several months
ago. The other SM is a really nice guy. Tonight we took hatchets,
saws, and knives on about a 2 mile hike. We were going to cut some
small logs and show the Scouts the proper way to sharpen the
hatchets.

We did everything very proper and by the book. Someone has to ask
for the hatchet and the person handing the hatchet says, “here you
go”. Then the other guy has to say “thank you” before the first
guy will let go. (All rules to get your Totin' Chip card) The
other SM told me that when he had a patrol meeting earlier in the
week, he met with the patrol leaders and senior patrol leader.
(son #2 is a patrol leader) He said things were kind of funny. He
told me he was stern and said, “We’re going to do everything by
the book. We’re going to learn the proper names of these tools.”
He proceeded to tell the boys that they were going to sharpen the
hatchet with a ‘hand bastard file’. He said that son #2 refused to
say the word bastard. Even with a little egging.

Tonight when we got to the top of the trail, we broke out the
gear, and son #2 was to set up and teach his patrol how to sharpen
the hatchet. The other SM got out the tools and explained the
names of each of the tools to the troop and what they were there
for. Of course, there were a few snickers from the 12 year old
boys when he told them about the hand bastard file.

We split into patrols and son #2 got down on his knees next to his
block of wood and 4 stakes. He asked for the gloves and the
hatchet properly, but then he said, “May I have the hand file
please?” the other SM paused a second winked at me, and said,
“Sure. But what’s the proper name?”

Son #2 said, “I’m NOT going to say that!” I laughed and told him
it was ok.

The other SM jokingly said, “That’s ok. There are only a few free
times that you can say it, this is one of them.”

Son #2 still refused.

I was both proud and a little embarrassed for him. But when some
of the other boys refused to say it too, I thought that was cool.

Just an interesting observation.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

"Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is
developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell
phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate
Pileup.'"
~Jay Leno

=-=-=-

As explained by Cliff Clavin of "Cheers"..... One afternoon Cliff
was explaining the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy, Norm. Here's how
it went:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.....A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells, making a faster and more efficient machine.
And...so, that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to
the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the
affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
~Wanda D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Mike Hill and his new wife, Diane, were vacationing in Europe, as
it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car
along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very
hard. Mike could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly
the car skids out of control! Mike attempts to control the car,
but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments
later, Mike shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over
at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her
head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Mike
knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Mike carefully
picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road, After a short
while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is
coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and
knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Mike
immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Mike Hill, and this is my
wife Diane. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has
been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?? "I'm sorry,"
replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a
doctor; come in and I will get him." Mike brings his wife in. An
elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may
have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic and I have had a
basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them
down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Diane and
carries her downstairs, with Mike following closely. Igor places
Diane on a table in the lab. Mike collapses from exhaustion and
his own injuries, so Igor places Mike on an adjoining table. After
a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "things are
serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
feverishly, but to no avail. Mike and Diane Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs
the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it
is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a
stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor
is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his
eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Diane Hill's
hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Mike's arm begins to rise! He
is further amazed, as Diane sits straight up! Unable to contain
himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in
and shouts to his master: "Master, Master!.......The Hills are
alive with the sound of music!"

~Wanda D.
****************************************************************
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****************************************************************

6/25 - Busy Busy Summer!

2007-06-25T23:17:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 25, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight we went to ‘Bridge to Terabithia’. It was pretty good, but
not quite what I expected. I’ll give it a 2 ½ boys out of 4.

We had a busy weekend. Last weekend, if you recall, we went to a
family reunion and camped overnight at Bear lake. This weekend
Camp Hobe asked up to be a host family for Camp Hobe at the 7th
annual ‘Catch a Cure for Cancer’ fishing tournament at
Starvation Reservoir. Last year they raised over $17,000 for camp Hobe.
I’m not sure how they did this year, but with 42 boats, and every one
giving all of their prize money back to the camp, plus a HUGE
raffle drawing, I’ll bet they did pretty well.

The kids even wanted to chip in and buy some raffle tickets. The 3
older ones put in $10 each, and mom and dad put in $30 more. We
all did pretty well too. Between the 6 of us we got some Olympic
key chains, floating pliers, blow up pool toy, 2 free lunches, 3
brand new fishing poles, a $25 gift card to Sportsmen wearhouse,
and a 4 man tent! I’m telling you, there was a ton of prizes. (If
someone will remind me next year, I’ll take your donations and
send you what you win!)

The summer is only 1/3 of the way over, and we still have the
Make-a-Wish Ducky Derby and swimming day, Pediatric Brain tumor
Ride for Kids, Pioneer Trek, and Scout camp left. I think we’re as
busy as we are in December!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Interesting quiz. Find out what accent you have. I’m upper Midwestern.
Right were I should be...

http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_american_accent_do_you_have

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road
signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first
one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew
member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been
waiting to cross?"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

"In England this week they recorded their highest temperature in
history. Good thing they can all cool off with a refreshing meat
pie."
~Conan O'Brien

[I hear they don’t put ice in their drinks, and serve water warm.
Yish…]

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As the commercial says, "Life comes at you fast," and before you
know it you're old. This is one of the best assessments of being
old that I have read, so I thought I would share it with my
children, who will someday (before they know it) be old.

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old.
I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon
seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I
explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder
it, and let him know.*

*Growing Older, I decided, is a gift.*

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I
have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over
my body ... The wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the cellulite. And
often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror,
but I don't agonize over those things for long.*****I would never
trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for
less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more
kind to myself, and less critical! of myself. I've become my own
friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for
not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I
didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled
to be messy, to be extravagant, to smell the flowers. I have seen
too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they
understood the great freedom that comes with aging.*

*Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer
until **4 a.m** and then sleep until -- ? *

*I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's &
60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love I
will. **

*I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a
bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I
choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.*

*They, too, will get old. *

* I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is
just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important
things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart
not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or
even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are
what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart
never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy
of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn
gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep
grooves on my face So many have never laughed, and so many have
died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean
it. I can say "yes." and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about
what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've
even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has set me
free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live
forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time
lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.
And I shall eat dessert every single day... (if I want)

6/19 - Cute MRI

2007-06-19T21:39:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today we’re all just a wee bit tired, and a wee bit cranky. No
wonder why. I was up late last night, got up early this morning,
and got everyone ready for son #4’s MRI. They put him under with
Nembutal, and he always wakes up just a little cranky. And stays
that way all day.

So, I’m doing the JOTD early so I can catch up on sleep.

When they were giving him his IV and taking vitals, we got the “oh
he’s so cute” no less than 5 different times today. We took son #1
with us, and they never said anything about him being cute. When
one IV nurse told son #4 how cute he was, I turned to son #1 and
said, “See, they don’t say you’re cute.” Without missing a beat he
said, “That’s right, I’m not cute because I’m hot!”

Whoa, slow down there mister...

After I talked about my dad’s ashes yesterday, someone mentioned
turning ashes of your loved ones into diamonds. Yup, you read
right. You can turn the carbon from a cremated body into a
diamond.

Weird.

Would you do it?

Here's some links

Lifegem

And, a video about it

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Oh, and I almost forgot. We got CLEAN SCANS! Today.

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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the
computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and
solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." I didn't want to appear
stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T Error? What's
that, in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned. "Haven't
you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down.

I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold...

[I also use the ol’ “Chair-Keyboard-Interface error”. (which is
the user...]

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's
deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is
a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better
education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove
this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, “License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop
sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop,” says the deputy.
“License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the
law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and
you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me
the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy
says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the living daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you
want me to stop, or just slow down?"

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This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car at some lights
while not really paying attention. Anyway the guy who was driving
got out. And he was a dwarf! He said "I'm not happy." I said
"Well, which one are you then?"

~Betty H.

6-18 Chicken Ashes and Camping MRI's

2007-06-18T23:40:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 18, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so I can’t sleep. It’s 11:00 PM and I haven’t even started the
JOTD! I hate the pre-MRI jitters. Tomorrow will pass quickly and
quietly I hope. Son #4 is NPO after 6:45 tomorrow morning. That
might mean we can sleep through breakfast...

So, we went camping this weekend. First we went to Logan Utah,
about 2 hours north of us, for a family reunion. As you know I’ve
done a bit of Genealogy, but not as much as some of these people.
I think when you hit 65, that you must have more time to do those
sorts of things. I can only hope I make it that long to get some
time to do more of mine research.

What really impressed me at this reunion (other than the fact that
everyone was over 70, and I only knew 2 people out of the 40 who
attended) was the fact that our host had really done a lot of
research. I don’t know if she found it, or got it from her
ancestors, but they have a line that goes back to Charlemagne.
And, if you get back to him, you can apparently get back to Adam.
Yes, ~the~ Adam. So, if you thought it was cool that my sons were
related to Merlin Olsen, going back to Adam ought to really
impress you. And, speaking of Merlin Olsen, I met his sister at
the reunion. She told stories of him when he was younger, and
apparently he was a pretty big boy growing up. He was even bigger
when he played for the LA Rams. And no, I didn’t ask for her
autograph.

After the reunion, we camped over night at Bear Lake. Grandma and
Grandpa stayed in their RV with my 4 boys, and my poor sweet wife
and I got stuck in a tent yet again. Someday I’ll get to sleep in
the RV. I just know it! But, I digress...

Sunday on Father’s day, we ended up in Randolph. We had planned it
that way so we could spread my father’s ashes up on the mountain
with a great view. (Above 8400 feet!) He had a successful grouse
hunt there one year, and told a friend that’s where he wanted to
end up. Dad’s friend brought his bagpipes and played a few of
dad’s favorite tunes. High in the mountains, deep in the wood,
with a great view; It was pretty touching.

Sometimes I wonder about son #4. He runs around and like just a
normal kid, but then when we were tromping through the woods in
the mountains to find just the right spot for his grandpa, he
couldn’t walk worth a darn. He kept tripping and falling over
sticks and logs, and had a really hard time. We held his hand,
carried him a little, took it slow, and finally made it, but it
was just a stark reminder of his problems too.

We had told him that in ‘the box’ was grandpa’s ashes. Somehow he
got it in his little head that there were full sets of bones in
there. When grandpa came out of the box, son #4 was pretty upset
to learn that they ‘burned grandpa’. So, that was a tough sell
too.

Anyway, one last story. For some reason when you’re driving around
for hours at a time, the family conversation turns to weird
things. We ended up talking about chickens and how my dad once
brought home several live chickens, and we all got to make them
into dinner. A scene I’ll not ever forget. A bit comical to my 10
or 11 year old brain... Which brought up a story that I told my
boys. When we lived in Kearns, I was the Varsity Coach for the Boy
Scouts. (14-15 year old Scouts). Now there’s something that
happens to a boy when he turns 14 and gets with another bunch of
14 and 15 year old Scouts and they stop working on merit badges,
and start thinking of other stuff. Anyway, our Varsity Team was
going on the ‘Big Event’, kind of like a Mountain Man Rendezvous
for Scouts. We needed a new dutch oven for the team, and they were
having a dutch oven cooking contest with a brand new dutch oven as
one of the prizes. So, having this vast knowledge about preparing
chickens from scratch... (ba dum bump...), and wanting to
somehow... excite the boys into activity, I thought our Team could
impress the judges by bringing fresh, (oh so fresh) ingredients
for a BBQ chicken dish. But, being somewhat cautious, I wanted to
try it during one of our Scout meetings first. So I searched the
valley for a live chicken, and brought one over to our meeting.
(After asking parental permission first, of course...) We
proceeded to take out the chopping stump, a handy Scout hatchet,
and proceeded to take care of business. We cleaned everything up,
cut the chicken in to pieces, got out the BBQ sauce, fired up the
coals, and started our award winning meal. Then, for some reason,
not one of the boys wanted to try any of our chicken. “I saw that
thing alive, and I’m not eating it!” I suppose that’s one thing
that they’ll never forget, and now that they’re older, I’m sure
they talk about it in their therapy sessions.

Come to think of it, that was about the chewiest, toughest chicken
I think I’ve ever had.

Enough of that. It’s time for bed. Now, enjoy your chicken
sandwich at lunch today ‘eh? (Grin)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Jokes, stories, and for sure good MRI news tomorrow!

6/14 - Take me out to the ball game...

2007-06-14T22:53:00.001-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, June 14, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Saturday our neighborhood grocery store had a small car show.
We decided to run down and check it out. It was pretty cool and
had about a dozen cars that were really nice looking. They were
giving away a bunch of stuff, and they had the local minor league
baseball mascot there. (A Bee). They also had a pitcher from the
team there. The Salt Lake Bees are the minor league team for the
California Angels, and the pitcher even pitched for them last
year. (he came down because of an injury...)

Anyway, it was son #2’s Saturday, and I asked the pitcher if they
were playing that night. He said they were, and that he was even
pitching. So, son #2 and I headed down that night. Salt Lake has a
really nice stadium for AA ball. In fact, it’s been called the
nicest stadium in the country for minor league baseball. Anyway, I
digress...

So, the team lost. But I guess you have to lose a few to make
winning better, right? So, we called it a night and headed to the
parking lot, and I saw something on my windshield. I got a parking
ticket! What?? I parked correctly. What was this for? It was for
expired plates.

It seems the City of Salt Lake proper, exhibits absolutely no
compassion when it comes to expired plates. Take a look at the
ticket.

Notice the date the ticket was issued? June 9th. Notice the date
that my plates expired? May 31st. Nine stink’n days! How do you
like that? Now, I’ve had my plates expired at least 3 months
before. (more times than one...) and I never got a ticket. I guess
this one made up for it... stupid meter maids.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments;

Maybe if I send you more jokes, you'll be able to publish more
than once a week. Love Mom
~#1 mom

[Yeah, but they gotta be better than the one you sent! (Grin)]

Marty,
Just got back from vacation and read the jokes. My friend was in
Utah helping open that IKEA store. She works at the IKEA here in
Michigan. I've only been to the one here once, crowds aren't my
thing lol. That store is always packed and its been here for more
than a year I'm sure. I couldn't believe the deals that were in
there though. They have a lot of good quality products for dirt
cheap. Keep them jokes comming, I enjoy reading them all the
time.
~Crystal

[Thanks, now I just have to find time to get back there!]

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"Business analysts say that McDonald's is doing really well lately
because Americans have to spend more money on gas so they're going
to McDonald’s rather than more expensive restaurants. So
basically, as Americans have to spend more for oil they're looking
to pay less for grease."
~Jay Leno

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A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for
some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest
giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.

"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist
hedged.

The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick-witted
and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good
coordination, expresses himself very well..."

"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It's YOUR child!"

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A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the
bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in
the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's
foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the
foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thorn and
the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to
face the man and stared at him intently. For a long minute the man
stood frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of
that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with his
son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the
rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly, then it continued to stare at
him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and
made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around
one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along
the railing, killing him.

Turns out, it wasn’t the same elephant.

6/11 - Kiki, Krap, and PMS

2007-06-11T22:25:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 11, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a busy week! Sons #3 and #4 went to week long Camp
Hobe. (Fun summer camp for kids with cancer and their siblings.)
Last year son #4 just went to day camp, but this year we decided to
let him go to week long camp. It was quite an experience to see how
my sweet wife and son #4 spent time apart. I could tell they both
missed each other a lot, but neither of them would admit it.

Last year for his birthday, son #3 got a parakeet that we named
Sky. She’s a really pretty bird that’s light blue and white. Well,
son #3 has been saving up money and wanted a larger cage and
another bird. There’s this place on the internet called FreeCycle,
where people offer ‘stuff’ that they don’t want. (Books, Bikes,
moving boxes, anything you can think of) and other people ‘ask’
for things that they need. The idea is to keep junk that other
people want, out of our landfills.

Well, since son #3 has done pretty well with his birds, I thought
it might be a good idea to give FreeCycle a try. So I asked if
anyone had a larger cage that they didn’t want. Bingo! A guy in
Tooele (about an hour away) had 2 birds and a cage. His wife was
allergic to the birds so he needed to get rid of them. It also
happened to be about 5 miles from where the boys went to Camp
Hobe. So, on the way to pick up the boys last Friday, we picked up
a couple of birds and a cage to go with. All 3 birds are doing
well.

Pom-Pom is a male that is light blue and white, like Sky. Kiki is
a green and yellow parakeet, who the former owner didn’t think
would last too long. He’s got tumor bumps showing on his body and
beak. (Is that something you tell your 6 year old with a history
of a brain tumor, that his brother’s new bird is going to die of a
tumor. We’ll just deal with that one later. So far so good...)

Anyway, Kiki loves to get out of the cage, fly around for a
second, and land on your shoulder. He’s pretty good about going
back in the cage when you put your finger out for him too. Since
my sweet wife and I are on a crash course to learn the penny
whistle for the trek, we’re always practicing. The other day my
sweet wife was sitting in the living room playing. Kiki got out
and flew to her shoulder. She thought it was pretty cool, so she
finished her practicing, and then put her finger up so the bird
would hop on and go back into the cage. We haven’t figured out the
reason why, but all of a sudden, Kiki crapped all over her
shoulder. I’m not sure if it was a comment on the fact that she
stopped playing, he didn’t like the why she played, or that he
just didn’t want to go into the cage. But, I don’t think I’ll
practice with a bird on my shoulder!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I hate the time after I realize that son #4 has another MRI
coming up, and before it’s over. It’s the crazy jittery time where
you just start to wonder, what if... So, a week from Tuesday
(the 19th) son #4 will have another MRI. A friend on the Pediatric
Brain Tumor email list calls it PMS. (Pre-MRI Syndrome). Ahh...
I’ve got it again...

Also, I was going through some x-ray exam notes the other day, and
came across some guys brain scan that mentioned his ependyma. It
caught my eye because son #4 had an ependymoma. I looked it up,
and it’s the lining over the brain under the skull. Then I got to
thinking, one of my kids was born “In Caul”, or being what they
call a “Caulbearer.” These are supposed to be some pretty special
kids. (some say 1 in 80,000 births) And, wouldn’t you know it,
it’s son #4. I knew there was something special about that boy.

=-=-=-

How embarrasssing

How embarrasssing

I hate construction!

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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a
half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the
teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half
dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my
head and ordered six McNuggets

=-=-=-

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up
the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could
scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think
I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things
and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
~#1 Mom

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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal-Mart in
a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say,
"And here's something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute
little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a
bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, "Why do you
keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I
sent my daughter to Virginia Tech and this is what she came home
with!"

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Jim was a just out of boot camp, and was on his first ship. About
two hours out of port, he began to get a bit ill from the motion
of the ship. He approached an ensign, also just out of training
and on his first cruise. He saluted and said, "Excuse me sir, I am
feeling seasick, and I wondered if I may have permission to go
downstairs to the dispensary." The ensign returned his salute and
replied, "Sailor, you are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below! There is no dispensary on this ship,
there is sickbay. Not only that, that is not the floor, it is a
deck, that is not the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a
pillar, it is a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a
scuttlebutt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of
Naval jargon, I till throw you out of that little round window
over there."

6/4 - What's IKEA mean anyway?

2007-06-04T22:47:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 04, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, for date night last Friday my sweet wife and I decided to see
what all the huba-balou was about with the new Ikea store that had
opened up a week or so ago. It’s a huge 2 story building, and the
shopping experience was a bit different than any I’ve seen. When
you walk in the front door, there is one, and only one, way to go.
There are arrows on the floor for you to follow, and if you want
to see something, you have to step out of the crowded line to see
it. It reminded me of a tour in a fancy house with the velvet
ropes. “Follow me this way” and off you go with the group. I’m not
saying it was all bad, just quiet a bit different than going to
Home Depot to get a light bulb and then to the other side of the
store to get some nuts and bolts. They did have some surprising
low prices on some things.

After we grabbed some batteries and a storage container from the
main floor, we ended up at the checkout stand. We wanted to see
what the upstairs had to offer. “Excuse me, what’s the best way to
get to the 2nd floor?” I asked a guy in a yellow shirt. “Do you
have merchandise?” he replied, looking at my batteries and
container. “Yeah...” I said. He said, “Remember when you first
came in, there are some stairs and an elevator you can use.” So,
we had to travel through the whole main floor, with hundreds of
people coming the opposite way, to get to the 2nd floor.

Not such a great layout I’d say.

Sure, we could have paid for half of our purchases and re-entered
the store, but then I wouldn’t have anything to write about now
would I?

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

A couple of cool IKEA comercials

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"Homeland Security expects to have a new warning system in place
by the end of the year that will warn you of a national emergency
on your cell phone. They will call you if we are under attack or
there's a tornado or there's a hurricane. Of course the important
question for most Americans -- 'Does that use up our minutes?'"
~Jay Leno
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A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where
a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man
run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the
problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer
asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his
ears in his left hand."

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I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take
my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a
few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked,
"What is the kitten's name?"

"Demon", I replied.

"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.

"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."

I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records
show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for
'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that
right?"

"Yes, it is."

"You really don't like cats, do you?"

6/1 - Smok'n Hot Asphalt Pie?

2007-06-01T18:38:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, June 01, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really like my Friday’s off. Today I felt guilty and figured I
needed to get out and take a walk. I invited my sweet wife, and
since yesterday was son #4’s last day of school, I invited him to.
I usually go to the park and walk around the mile long path, then
back home. It’s about 2 mile total.

Anyway, son #4 was just full of questions.
“How come we’re going walking dad?”
“So we can burn some calories.”
“What’s a calorie?”
“It’s a measure of energy and can be stored as fat in your body. If you have too many calories, you have too much fat.”
“Oh”

“Dad, how come the road is black?”
“Because that’s how they made it.”
“What do the make the road with?”
“Asphalt” I said.
“Asphalt? That sounds like your butt made a mistake” he replied
I laughed and said, “So a fart is an asphalt ‘eh?”
My sweet wife didn’t that was such a good thing to put into his
head...

We walked on further and I asked, “What’s that?”
“It’s a fire hydrant”
“What’s it used for?”
“In emergencies, firemen come and squirt water out of it”
“They hook it up to their fire truck and squirt water on house fires, right?”
“Yup”

I went on to tell him a story when I was about his age... I’ll let
my #1 mom tell it. We had just returned home from going out to
dinner with the neighbors...

“It was dark when we came home and it was a school night so I
had to get you kids to bed right away. I sent you to your
rooms to get your pj's on and when I went to put you in bed,
I smelled smoke. I frantically searched the house for the
source and when I couldn't find it, I put everybody's coat on
(I think it was in December) and we waited right by the front
door for the fire department. The front door had the top half
glass. It took forever for the fire department to get there
(they couldn't find the house and our street was a new street
that they couldn't locate). Anyway, they came in to look for
the fire. I'll never forget how huge they seemed with their
hats and boots and jackets. Anyway, as you know, they finally
found your sock, which you had thrown up in the air and it
landed on top of the pin-up lamp which was on your wall. It
was singed, but hadn't flamed up. I remember thinking "if I
burned his house down, Dad would kill me."

So, anyway, son #4 got a kick out of that story and we walked and
burned our calories.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Here’s a great video

More than just fire fighting...

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One evening I was driving my six-year-old daughter to her
grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was
little traffic and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far
cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to
various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in
thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to
know?" "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are you ever the
idiot?"

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A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the
circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any
experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the
most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything
he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to
make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man
replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a
pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck
your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The
ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" And the man said, "I was
looking for my father."
~Wanda D.

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How to rope a deer.... by an anonymous Gentleman Rancher

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a
stall, feed it up on corn for a several weeks, then kill it and
eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I
figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not
seem to have much fear of me when we are there(a bold one will
sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am
in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be
difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head
(to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled
the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.
They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer
showed up...3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped
out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just
stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist
and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still
just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly
concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards
it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and
received an education. The first thing that I learned is that
while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you
rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on the
rope. That deer EXPLODED! The second thing I learned is that pound
for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or
a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with
some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and
twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no
getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started
dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a
deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally
imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much
stamina as some animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired
and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me. It
took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded
by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head, but I then
managed to get up. Right at that point I had lost my taste for
corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the
end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope
hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully
somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and
that evil deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would
venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in
my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested
the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large
rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we
were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death.
I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the
feeder...a little trap I had set beforehand. Kind of like a
squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so
I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? THEY DO! I
never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite
somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab
that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer
bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just
bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head,
almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper
thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw
back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for
several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being
smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out
of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that
rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior
for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They
rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and
shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned
a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you
with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to
do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards
the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so such
trickery did not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a
different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and
run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run
from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that
it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so
different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and
three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me
right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer
paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I
suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while
you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your
head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went
away.

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split
open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty
good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and
my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas
jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to
the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck,
covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran
the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling
"Oh my God, What happened?" Now, I have never seen any law in the
state of Texas that would prohibit an individual from roping a
deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked
entirely. Probably because they didn't think anyone would be
stupid enough to try. And knowing, as I do, the lengths to which
law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was
concerned that they may find a way to twist some existing laws to
paint my actions as criminal. I swear....not wanting to admit that
I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my
response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer." I did not
mention that at the time It had my rope on it. The evidence was
all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it
had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it
had struck me. I asked him to call somebody to come get me...I
didn't think I could make it home on my own. So he did. Later that
afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know
about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing
and Parks & Wildlife was interested in the event. I tried to
describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could ......
"Well, I was just filling the grain hopper and this deer came out
of nowhere and started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me! It
was obviously rabid or insane or something!" EVERYBODY for miles
around now knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a
big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids into the
house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried
rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people
the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these
people every day and as a relative outsider ("gentleman
rancher/city folk" some say)...I have enough trouble fitting in
without them snickering behind my back and whispering "There's the
dumb-guy that tried to rope the deer !!".

5/30 - Technostuff

2007-05-30T23:09:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some tech thoughts;

Computers have really worked their way into our lives, haven’t
they? Can you remember just 5 or 10 years ago? Computers weren’t
anywhere near as integrated as they are now. And, can you imagine
5 or 10 years from now? I think it’s going to be a wild ride.

And, what about privacy implications? Google now has a street
level view on their Google maps. How would you like to be caught
somewhere you didn’t want to be seen?

And, I found this tidbit on the net today. Microsoft just unveiled
it’s new tabletop surface PC. Cool stuff!

Anyway, there still are a couple things that technology can’t cure
yet... I was working on a radiology computer at a kids-care
facility today. A little boy just a year or two younger than son
#4 came in. Weeping, crying and screaming. I stepped out while the
tech took is X-rays. He screamed every time she moved him for a
different view. It was almost sickening. After he left the images
were on the screen of the PC I was fixing. It was a nasty nasty 2
bone break that even ~I~ could tell was broken. Computers can’t
fix that, yet.

And then there’s the Utah Jazz loss tonight. No computer can fix
that one either... *sigh*

Anyway, be grateful for the technology we have now, and hang on to
your seat for things that are coming down the road!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Check out the mapstats button on the right. Cool Stuff!

=-=-=-

Here’s a couple of non-technical Parachute and flying videos

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An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the
qualifications for being president of the United States. After the
teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen.
One of the students raised her hand, "Does that mean that if you
were born by Caesarean section that you can't be president?"

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Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,
"You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never
forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.

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While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our
hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and
an x-ray technician. "Have you ever broken a bone?" he asked.
"Yes," the girl replied. "Did it hurt?" "No." "Really? Which bone
did you break?" "My sister's arm."

5/28 - Memorial Day Fun!

2007-05-28T10:47:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 28, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Memorial Day! I thought I’d do a quick post this morning.
Our weekend has been pretty eventful so far. We all went to
Thoroughly Modern Millie on Friday. At first son #4 didn’t want to
go. The only thing he’s ever heard about Hale Centre Theater
(where the play was) was the accident where a stage hand got
caught in the moving stage. Before we went, son #4 kept asking if
anyone else was going to get hurt when the stage moved. When we
got there, he acted like he didn’t want to be there at all. But
about 5 minutes into the show when the stage moved for the first
time, his eyes got big and he said, “That was cool mom!” He loved
the show and stood on his chair and clapped at the end. All 4 boys
loved the play and kept asking when we were going again. Hmm...
‘Culture’ is cool, unfortunately it takes $$ to take 6 of us out.

Anyway, our next foray for the weekend was Pirates of the
Caribbean III - At Worlds End. It was a movie and prizes event
were a company also invited Make-a-Wish families. (Son #4 refused
to go because he got scared at the first Pirates movie, so we took
a cousin). Anyway, I won a hat and gave it to son #4 when we got
home. The movie wasn’t that impressive. The action scenes were
cool, the music was great, and Keith Richards from The Rolling
Stones, fit the roll of Jack’s father pretty close. One glaring
problem with the movie was the story line. It was SO hard to keep
track of who’s doing what to whom and why. It was like channel
surfing. I kept asking myself, “Why did they just do that?” and “I
don’t understand why so and so is now fighting so and so when they
were just making a deal 10 minutes ago.” Another problem
throughout this series is the dialogue is still hard to follow.
It’s hard enough to catch what they’re saying in real life, but
combine heavy accents with an octopus makeup and no lips, and
things go downhill from there.

Bottom line, I give it a 2 out of 4 boys rating. I’d wait for it
to come to your local dollar theater...

At Church on Sunday son #4 kept asking to get home quickly. He had
a treat ahead of him. Last week I put my dad’s MG on craigslist
and on a couple of other places on the internet. I got tons of
calls, and a lot of people looking at it. A guy who lives just a
couple miles south of us came and bought it on Friday, but son #4
was not too happy with me for selling it. We took a few last
pictures of him in it. (Here he’s protecting the MG with a squirt
gun from the evil MG buyer.)

Anyway, son #4 started to cry when the guy came to pick it up. It
was pretty heart wrenching. But, the guy was really cool and said,
“Son #4, tell you what. How about I bring by another cool car on
Sunday and take you for a drive?” Son #4 with a frown on his face,
a big lower lip, and still looking at the ground, nodded yes. Ever
since the guy drove the MG away, son #4 kept asking when the guy
with the cool car would come back and give him a ride.

So, Sunday afternoon rolled around and son #4 was really excited.
He kept asking me to call the guy and ask when he would be here. I
didn’t want to appear too anxious, but I finally caved in. A
couple hours later he drove up in this really sweet 1954 Corvette
convertible. Son #4 said, “Wow!” He got a good 15 minute ride, but
I knew what was coming next. The poor guy had to haul all 4 boys
around the neighborhood too. But he was a good sport and said it
wasn’t a problem. And, it turns out, he and my boys may be
related.

His parents were from Star Valley Wyoming, and part of the Olsen
family. (As in Merlin Olsen of the NFL, and Little House on the
Prairie fame.) My sweet mother-in-law’s aunt was an Olsen from
Star Valley. Well, it’s a little convoluted, but that’s what I get
when I know my genealogy.

Speaking of convoluted, have you ever heard of “The Six Degrees of
Kevin Bacon”? It was a popular 90’s game where you try to link
actors or actresses with Kevin Bacon. It is said that everyone in
Hollywood is within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Here’s an example;
Take a not very well known actress in Soap Operas name Ellen
Wheeler. (ok, she’s at least not well known to me...)

Ellen Wheeler was in Without Evidence (1995) with W. Earl Brown
W. Earl Brown was in Sugar & Spice (2001) with Rachel Blanchard
Rachel Blanchard was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

So Ellen would be 3 degrees from Kevin bacon. Then I got to
thinking. And yes, I am now famous. I am only 4 degrees from Kevin
Bacon! Here’s how.

Marty is related to son #4 by birth.
Son #4 is Merlin Olsen’s 1st cousin, twice removed. (true)
Merlin Olsen was in Mitchell (1975) with Joe Don Baker
Joe Don Baker was in Criminal Law (1988) with Kevin Bacon

I just have too much time on my hands... But, I couldn’t go
camping this weekend, could I?? Ok, enough dumb stuff, I gotta get
ready for the baseball game today!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Finally! Episode 8 of Chad Vader.
You can see the Chad Vader Series starting with this issue...

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A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination
room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older
doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told her
story. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where
the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter
with you?" the older doctor demanded "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old,
has four grown children and seven grandchildren. And you told her
she was pregnant?" The younger doctor continued writing and
without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

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Before I could visit my daughter at her naval base in Japan, I was
told I needed to supply her with some important information to
give to security. The list included the following: passport
number, height, weight, year of birth and anticipated hair color
at time of arrival.

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On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon a 'Road
Closed' sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck around it and
continued on. But he didn't get very far. The pavement ended,
giving way to another, larger sign: "What Part of 'Road Closed'
Didn't You Understand?"

5/23 - More stuff to do than time to do it

2007-05-23T22:18:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The big Memorial Day weekend approaches. I had big plans to go
camping with the family, but it looks like the plans are slowly
fading. We were leaving Friday after we picked up the boys, and
staying out until Monday night. But, we were offered 6 free
tickets through Candlelighters (Childhood cancer program) for
Thoroughly Modern Millie at Hale Centre Theatre Friday. Then we
were offered Pirates of the Caribbean III tickets on Saturday
morning from Make-a-Wish, and then the baseball game with the ward
was moved from Monday night to Monday afternoon because of the
Jazz game. (Humpf. We’re down 0-2. I’m thinking we need a miracle
against the Spurs...)

Anyway, the boys seemed more interested in going to ‘stuff’ than camping, so we’ll just play it by ear.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Here's some pictures of our MG that's for sale (with son #4 in the pics too!)

Giga Ball (I think I want one of these)

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My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to
break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple, and the
problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the
craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for
what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was
turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say, "If you
have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."
~Wanda D.

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While visiting my son on his Army base, I chatted with a colleague
of his. "What rank are you?" I asked. "I'm relieved to say that
I've just been promoted from captain to major." "Relieved? Why?"
"Because," he replied, "my last name is Hook."

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Like a typical teenager, my fifteen-year-old son dreaded our
family vacation at a seaside cottage in the middle of Boring
Nowhere. But his eyes brightened when I said, "Did I tell you
we'll be buying lobsters from Pamela Anderson? We'll even bike to
her house to pick them up." Then his face grew dark as the
horrible truth dawned: "There's more than one Pamela Anderson,
isn't there?"

5/21 - Messy Chocolate Sauce

2007-05-21T22:37:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 21, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last week we went over to our neighbor’s home to practice the
penny whistle for the trek. This neighbor is one of the sweetest,
hardest working, and organized women I know. After our practice
she asked if we wanted any home made chocolate sauce on ice cream.
(Well duh...) it was the best I’d ever had, so I asked her for the
recipe. (See the P.P.S. below). Then I made some on Friday night
for the boys. Saturday my sweet wife and I were out, and our
neighbor said that he stopped son #4 on the street that day. “How
come your shirt is so dirty, what did you have for lunch?” Son #4
replied, “I think burritos and cottage cheese.” The neighbor
replied, “Well, what’s all over your shirt?” Son #4 looked down at
his shirt and suddenly remembered, “Oh, that was my after
breakfast dessert, chocolate sauce!”

Then tonight for family night, we went to a concert of son #3’s
and then out to dinner. During dinner son #4 needed to use the
facilities. He asked me what the peanut shaped things in the
urinal were, and I said they were things that made the bathroom
smell fresher. When he was done and started to wash his hands, he
got really wild with the water and soaked himself and his shirt.
He ran back to the table before I could get him dried off any
more.

“What happened to him?” my sweet wife said.

“He got a little wild with the...” and then I was cut off...

“Mom! There are these cool things in the bathroom that when you
pee all over them, they smell good!”

My sweet wife looked at a soaking wet boy and then at me for an
explanation.

I just smiled.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Here are the answers to last weeks quiz.

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it
at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will
be the same word.

p.p.s.

Chocolate sauce recipe

2 cubes butter (1 cup) – [Ok, I didn’t say it was low cal, did I?]
3 cups sugar
½ cup cocoa
1 12-oz. can of evaporated milk
1-2 teaspoons vanilla

Melt first four ingredients together in a heavy pan. (It will
about double in size when boiling so get a bigger pot then you
need. Ask me about my clean up...) Stir with a wire whip. Boil a
total of one minutes only, stirring constantly. Remove from heat.
Add vanilla. (Sauce will thicken after being cooled.) Store any
leftovers in refrigerator. Makes 1 quart.

=-=-=-
Here is something to do with your chocolate sauce besides eat
it...

Amazing Juggling Finale by Chris Bliss

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In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any
stalled vehicle on the highway when temperatures drop to single
digits or below. About 3 AM on very cold morning, Montana State
Trooper, Allan Nixon #658, responded to a call there was a car off
the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located
the car, stuck in deep snow and with the engine still running.
Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the
trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed
out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat
beside him. The driver came awake when the trooper tapped on the
window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the
state trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He
jerked the gear-shift into "drive" and hit the gas. The car's
speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 MPH, but it was still
stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense
of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but
stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the
trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about
30 seconds, then the trooper yelled, "PULL OVER!" The man nodded,
turning his wheel and stopped the engine. Needless to day the man
from North Dakota was arrested and is probably still shaking his
head over the state trooper from Montana who could run 50 miles
per hour. Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?

~Jan D.

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You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is
a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the
same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the
same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a
helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the
helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must
you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get
off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.

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My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the
White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless
had some questions about the accommodations. "Does the room have
its own bath?" I asked. Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no
one else comes, it does."

5/15 - Types of Treats

2007-05-15T21:58:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, I told you I’d try harder this week. So, in between quarters,
of the Jazz game, and now at half time, I’ll put together a few
thoughts.

My dad left us a lot of antiques. One of the things he left was a
1954 MG TF sports car. It’s a cool looking car!

[not ours, not even close, but you get the idea]

So when I got home tonight, son #4 wanted me to drive him down the
street, past the neighbor kids, so he could wave and show off. So
I did. “Hey son #4, how are you!” they all yelled.

When we got back, I pulled a ice cream sandwich out of my pocket
(that I had saved for son #3) and started to walk inside. “Hey
dad, what’s that?” I replied, “It’s a treat for son #3.” He said,
“But I want a treat...” I said, “But you just got to ride in the
MG, son #3 didn’t. “But dad” he said, “that’s not a treat.” I
looked at him and scoweled. “Oh?” I said. He thought for a second
and said, “Well, at least it wasn’t a yummy treat!”

Nice try, but son #3 won out on that one...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

John Locke Speed Painting

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I am only sending this to my smart friends. See If You Can Figure
Out What These Words Have In Common......

Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Assess

~#1 Mom

[Answer tomorrow, if you ask nicely...]
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As a high school football coach, I know that student athletes tend
to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking
about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his
wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and
said he had to speak to the coach right away. "Just calm down, and
I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife
told him. "What's your number?" The flustered kid replied,
"Three."

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I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After
several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: "If you
have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight.
This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something
to do while you wait."

5/14 - Carrot Flavored Chap Stick

2007-05-14T23:04:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 14, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so you take a little time of to study for finals, and the next
day you make another excuse and it starts to become a habit. Then
the Jazz games come up and it’s easy to use them as an excuse too.
Well, I’ll try to be better at posting this week.

On Mother’s day morning, son #4 jumped out of bed, checked to make
sure my sweet wife was still bed, and ran to the kitchen. He came
back with a large carrot on a plate and a glass of water. My sweet
wife said, “Oh, thank you so much son #4. That was very
thoughtful. But why a carrot for breakfast?” He replied, “So you
won’t have to clean the dishes mom.”

Hmm... very thoughtful boy.

We were watching the Jazz pummel the Warriors last night, and son
#3 came running up and blurted out to everyone watching the game,
“Son #4 just said the ‘F’ word! Son #4 just said the ‘F’ word!” I
said, did you? He replied, “I didn’t know it was a bad word.”

Not knowing that he had ever heard of it, I asked him to whisper
it into my ear. He did. (While everyone in the room looked on in
silence). I asked him to say it again. He did. I whispered back,
“Did that word end with a ‘D’ like doggie?” He said, “Yes, but I
didn’t know it was a bad word.” I told him it was close, but
wasn’t the real ‘F’ word. (Son #3 seemed disappointed and walked
out of the room.) I told son #4 that he had better be careful what
he said, and that he should watch his mouth.

Then, with all the candor of a 6 year old, and with a huge lower
lip protruding off of his face, he said in a sad voice, “But I
don’t know ~how` to watch my mouth.”

We all laughed at that!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Here’s an interesting article I came across. It seems a lady wanted to turn her dead father into a diamond. Sometimes lawsuits are worth filing.

Woman loses battle to turn dead dad into diamond

=-=-=-
Here’s a couple of drawing videos

Will Draw for food

drawing savant

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An actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator.

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by
the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this
bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in
the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a
citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the
last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any
way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield
an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy
taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law
school applications, as well as "instate" tuition rates for many
colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I
still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

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GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

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Subject: DO YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

Can you read these correctly the first time?

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present ..

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

=-=-=-

To all the Mothers out there HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, this one is for you!

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack . Jack was a great
cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing
ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on
this mat in our bathroom. Well we have 3 kids and at the time of
this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The
middle one is Eli. Eli really loves chap stick. LOVES it. He kept
asking to use my chap stick and then losing it. So finally one day
I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chap stick and how he
could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right
back in the drawer when he was done. Last year on Mother's Day, we
were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for
Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are
fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my
little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything
is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful
day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I
am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round
the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was
applying my chap stick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end.
Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have
a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look
pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it
was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the
hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it
reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these
glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you
realize they've been using your chap stick on the cat's butt.

5/7 - Test - Talk - and Jazz

2007-05-07T22:22:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 07, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, my biology test went only fairly good. I pulled a passing
grade, enough to get paid by my company (I hope!). But, I need to
get into studying a bit more come this fall. I think 7 years
without going to school has softened me up!

The boys are doing well. #1 and #2 went to EFY with me on
Saturday. Both speakers were very funny and motivational. The
first talked about how being tall growing up was hard. Her best
comeback to someone in the airport saying, “Gee, you’re tall. I’ll
bet you play basketball” was, “Gee, you’re short. You must play
miniature golf.”

We also got to hear from a local semi-celebrity, John Bytheway. I
mentioned him here. He was really good speaker too, and I think
the boys and I came away trying to be better people, yet again...

Anyway, half time is about over in the Jazz game. Gotta run!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Deadly Handsome Men

Children See Children Do

What to wear when your wife asks you to do something

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"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command
forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers! In
fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these
editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the
start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly,
I'm readily willing to yield my command to these obviously
superior intellects, and I'll, in turn, do my best for the Cause
by writing editorials - after the fact."
~Robert E. Lee, 1863

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One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that
goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two
"wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is
Good . It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

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*Rules for Writers*

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.
~Debi S

4/30 - Must... Study...

2007-04-30T21:40:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 30, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, I need to study more for my final tomorrow. But, I couldn’t
let you guys go without at least a video or two, now could I??

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Today it was son #4’s turn for a family night lesson. He
wanted to talk about the evils of smoking. He also told us how bad
it was to smoke “hair-a-wanna”.

I guess so!

=-=-=-

Why Ice Fishing Sucks

The Worst Computer Graphics Ever

4/26 - Our next big project!

2007-04-26T23:20:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 26, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a busy week. Trying to study for finals, helping kids
with home work, yadda yadda... Yesterday I took the older Scouts
Geocaching. I haven’t done it (successfully) for awhile, so I
thought with a bit of help, we’d do a good job. We did! We found 4
caches. I think one boy in particular had a great time, so I think
I’ve hooked another cacher!

Our next big project;
People thought I was crazy when I took my sweet wife, son #2, and
myself, and joined the stake play in The Sound of Music. We
started just months after son #4 had his brain surgery to take out
the tumor, and days before my dad died on Christmas day. Yes,
looking back, I was nut. But, it kept my mind off of things.

Then, a few months after the play, I took a job in Radiology as a
PACS administrator. I didn’t know the first thing about radiology.
(Ok, I still don’t...)

Then, I decided, (Well, my boss really...) that since I didn’t
know the first thing about radiology, that I ought to go back to
school (after 7 years), and learn something. So I did.

So, now I’ve decided that summer time is my family’s time. No
school for me. So, what did I do? I volunteered to go on the Trek
with my sweet wife and son #1.

Trek? What’s the Trek?

In April of 1847, the Mormon Pioneers were forced out of the
Midwest, and walked (with hand carts) over 1000 miles to the Salt
Lake Valley. Mormon culture is heavily immersed with Pioneer
stories of their travels. Many reenact their journey by traveling
part of the pioneer trail in Wyoming, with hand carts, dressed in
period costume, for a week. I believe its 30 miles in 4 days.

With our musical background, my sweet wife and I have been asked
to learn how to play the Irish whistle and to be part of the
nightly entertainment. (We’ll also help with cooking and cleaning
for 300 people) We’re not required to walk with the “Ma’s and Pa’s
and their kids” but, I may for a day or two anyway. So, for the
next 90 days (at least after my final on Tuesday) I’ve got a new
instrument to learn, and a lot more walking to do during my lunch
break! I remember the months preparing for my one week in Joshua
Tree National Forest, hiking with Outward Bound. I could tell you
stories...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

Too Late... More Jokes and Videos tomorrow! (maybe...)

=-=-=-

More about The Trek

4/25 - A couple of music videos

2007-04-25T22:35:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy neither plays the drums or the piano.
But, he's got a pretty wicked video editing style!

And, just a melon collie piano video I ran across.

4/23 - I swear I know that joke!

2007-04-23T22:49:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 23, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When new families move into the ward, after a month or so, it’s
tradition for them to speak in sacrament meeting. They’re usually
given a specific topic to speak on, and then they tell a little
bit about themselves too. A good talk (at least by my standards)
will include a joke or two. Since I’ve read a million of them, I
can usually tell how they are going to end. I seem to have a knack
for knowing who sings certain songs of the 70’s 80’s and 90’s too.
I usually show my trivial knowledge by saying, “Who sings this?”
And since I only ask people (read; my sweet wife) who usually
don’t know, or don’t care, I’m always 100% right. (as far as they
know anyway...) When this new young lawyer stood up and told a
joke about an engineer and a lawyer who got in a car wreck and
ended up in hades, I leaned over to my sweet wife and said the
punch line, “Where are ~you~ going to get a lawyer?” She smiled
and thanked me for ruining yet another joke for her. [BTW, who can
tell me what joke goes with that punch line?]

Anyway, the topic on Sunday was relationships. The lawyer spoke
about friendships, family relationships, spousal relationships,
and our relationship with God. He talked about all kinds of
‘ships’. I think he even talked about our ship coming in. Finally
son #4 had had enough. My sweet wife said he leaned over to her
and asked, “Why does he keep saying that swear word?”

Um... yeah. Not really.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

P.s. Did you remember that yesterday was earth day? Did you hear
that Sheryl Crow's suggested that we use one square of toilet
paper “per sitting” (how quaint...) I think this is the only time
I’ve agreed with what Rosie O’Donnell said in response. [I won’t
tell you here what she said, but if you know, or look it up, it
will bring a smirk to your face.]

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section

[About our Recycling/Unrecycling photo.]

Marty, in answer to your 'recycling' question. In Chinese the one
bin is labeled 'can be recycled' and the other is 'cannot be
recycled'. Just a matter of Hong Kong people having better
Chinese than English....I'm sure they would get a few chuckles if
we tried to label things in Chinese (they certainly get more than
a few chuckles from my Chinese. We are still a few more months in
HK before heading for three years to Mongolia.
Allen

=-=-=-

Best of Leno Headlines (WARNING: PG rated)

tour de france criterium cheval cyclism

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Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in
the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after
several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I
don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't
caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the
dog high enough."

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"Last week President Bush created the world's largest protected
marine area, dubbed the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National
Monument. It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most
breathtaking screensavers."
~Jon Stewart

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Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and the
other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first man what
he wants. I'll have a Frizzle...that's a beer with a splash of
tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."
Then the man at the other end of the bar orders. "Make mine a
Frizzle. It’s a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of orange
juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime." The astonished bartender
makes the drinks. Then he asks the first man what he does for a
living. "I am a theoretical mathematician at the university." Then
he asks the other man what he does. "Theoretical mathematician at
the college." "This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You
both order a drink that I've never heard of. You have the
identical profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day
at the same time. What are the odds on something like that
happening?" Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve
trillion, nine hundred, and eighty-seven billion to one."

4/19 - Random Stuff

2007-04-19T21:34:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 19, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BATHROOM HUMOR...

Homer Simpson, "Mmmm... Bacon..."

=-=-=-

That Reminds me of a Simpson's episode
Homer's Triple Bypass

=-=-=-

I did this as a kid. Not so much the performing for others,
but I was a brilliant arm pit musician!

=-=-=-

Does anyone read Chinese? I'm dying to know what 'unrecycling' is!
We had a good friend in Hong Kong up until the last few months.
Maybe he's still around and can help us out on this one...

RECYCLING..... and .....UNRECYCLING cans???

=-=-=-

And finally, one last "hilarious" story.

Boys Contaminate W.Va. Town With Mercury;
Mayor: "Boys will be boys,"

11:18 PDT Clendenin, W.Va. (AP) -- A group of boys playing with mercury swiped from a dental office created an environmental headache for one small town after tracking it into their school, homes and church and up the steps of the public library.

(Full Story)

4/18 - Log oh what?

2007-04-18T23:04:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun, moon, and stars all lined up tonight. No Scouts, Relief
Society meetings, or school. After dinner I asked, “do we have
anything to do tonight?” Everyone said, “No!” It doesn’t happen
that often on a Wednesday night, so we decided to watch a move we
had rented; “Akeelah and the Bee”. It’s about a girl in a poor
neighborhood in LA who goes to the Scripts Spelling Bee.

There were a lot of impressive words in there, but the second to
last spelling word of the movie really got my boys rolling on the
floor. “Logorrhea.” (pronounced Log-Oh-Ree-ah) They thought that
was the funniest thing in the world. “That kid looked like he was
about to have a logorrhea dad!” They laughed and laughed on that
one...

Then again, if you look at the word, it really is kinda funny.
“logo” can mean voice, words, or to know. “rrhea” as in diarrhea,
means... well, we all know what it means. Logorrhea literally
means “excessive flow of words”. So, I guess my boys really did
know what they were laughing at.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Ok, that was kind of lame. But, it took up a bit of space.
Here’s another funny; at dinner tonight we had meatloaf with baked
potatoes. When son #4 bit into his potato, he said, “That’s hot!”
I quickly said, “Yo Momma...” paused for just a second, and
thought, ‘sure’ and finished my thought saying, “Yo Momma’s hot!”
and looked over to my sweet wife to wink. Son #4 looked at me as
if to roll his eyes and said, “Yeah, dad. ~that~ was a good one.”

I don’t think my sweet wife liked that comment.

=-=-=-

Reader Comment section

Tooth fairy stuff. Six kids and I couldn't even get it right for
the first one. I ended up telling her there was no tooth fairy, it
was me (man did that break her heart…) but what we ended up doing
turned out to be pretty cool and we continued on until there just
weren't any more teeth to lose. We would make it a game to see if
I could sneek / switch the tooth for the money without them
catching me. I never did get caught. Before that, sometimes it
would take the tooth fairy up to a week to get to our house. After
that, at bed time she/they would remind me to try to sneek in.
Turned out to be pretty neat, actually.

Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for sharing your adventures
and being such a good example, going back to college!...
Lois

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Today’s Videos

Look at that! A YouTuber’s hamsters breaks his speed record and
can not slow down any more!!!

Guy can blow perfect underwater bubble circles – for more than a
minute!

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Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to
dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-plumber.

Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which
belonged to my five-year-old son.

I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank
filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than
before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the
bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged
and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get
the green one, too?" he asked.

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At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May
this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07.
~Wanda D.

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Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply
cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone
by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and
occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned
to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the
dirt by simply peeling it off.

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The
red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet.
(Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish
should be selected).

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage
is almost instantly removed.

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging
your head repeatedly on the wall.

4/17 - Weather Test

2007-04-17T22:21:00.001-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another test in Biology lab today. I think I did pretty good, but
again, we’ll just have to wait and see. Not much happening today
in the funny boy raising department.

How about the weather? It was almost 70º today, tomorrow it’s
supposed to snow. That’s Utah weather for ya.

Enjoy today’s offerings.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments

[About Imus]
Marty, I'm a little behind on my emails, but I just wanted to let
you know I agree with you 100% about Imus! Like you, I think what
he said was stupid, but no worse then what others on the radio and
tv have said who are allowed to make such comments with impunity.
It was definitely a double standard and it wasn't fair.
Eddie

[About the Tooth Fairy]
Hate to admit I can top that, but I can top that. For me, it
seems my middle son (of my 3 sons) seems to get it the worst.
The first night we forgot. We reminded him that two other kids at
church had teeth out - they each had had several pulled. Maybe the
tooth fairy got too busy and couldn't make it across town? The
second night, we forgot. Well maybe she couldn't find it, was it
too far under the pillow, lost in the sheets? After the third
night of forgetting, my son came in my room in tears. I went to
his room with him, my wheels were turning - how could I be such a
bad mom? I told him hang on, I've got to talk to dad. Back
in my bedroom I quickly got out my fairy supplies (yes, I have
supplies) I rubbed a little glue on the $2 bill, sprinkled it
lightly with glitter - fairy dust. Then for the big lie. Son, I
think I know what happened. Last night your dad heard something,
he went to see what it was - I THINK HE SCARED AWAY THE TOOTH
FAIRY. Come here quick (over to the front door). Look, what's
that? Of course, I had already dropped the prepared $2 bill on
the floor....
MH - Wyoming

[Fwew. Someone else worse than we are at the Tooth fair game!]

=-=-=-
Today’s Video

Hmm... Smart kid.

This Rabbit sure has some testosterone!

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"Today Switzerland and France battled to a zero-zero tie in the
World Cup soccer finals. I can't imagine why this sport hasn't
caught on in America."
~Jay Leno

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As a realtor, I deal with all types of people. Recently, I showed
a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the fantastic
view from the living room. But when I dramatically pulled back the
drapes, the disappointed husband asked, "Where is the view? Those
mountains must be blocking it."

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1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What
the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall
off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

~Wanda D.

4/16 - Chicago Loose Tooth Dog

2007-04-16T20:54:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 16, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last night son #4 had his second tooth come out. You have to
remember that each loose tooth that comes out of his head is a
blessing because we’re not sure HOW screwed up his noodle is going
to be because of his radiation treatments. So, a 2nd adult tooth
that comes in is a blessing.

But, even with such a momentous occasion, the tooth fairy forgot
(again...) to leave some money under the pillow. [If you have the
chance again, don’t ever be a 4th child. I don’t think that ever
happened with son #1...]

So, this morning son #4 came up to my sweet wife and said, “Mom,
the tooth fairy left my tooth, but forgot to leave any money.” My
quick thinking wife snuck a couple of bucks and said, “Are you
sure? Let’s go double check.” And they walked back into his room.
“Oh, here it is. You probably just didn’t see it.” He was as happy
as a clam. So when I saw him tonight, my sweet wife said, “Tell
dad what happened this morning.” He told the story and said, “And
I just didn’t see the money dad. Mom helped me find it though, so
it’s ok.”

Now, are we terrible parents or what? First, lying to a 6 year old
about the tooth fairy, then playing off of a legally blind 6 year
old to pull the switcheroo with a couple of bucks, and on top of
that, having the dad confirm the deed by saying, ‘Isn’t that great
son. Your mom is such a good mom.” I know we’re going to have to
pay for these sins some day, some how...

Tonight, we decided to have family night on the road. After
finishing up my dad’s stupid income tax stuff earlier this year
(he didn’t pay income taxes for the 5 years before he died. And
what a mess that was...), we were able to sell one of his
properties. The new owners asked us to clean out my dad’s storage
closet. So, for family night, we met at the old property and
hauled out more of my dad’s stuff. (Who knows where we’re going to
put MORE of his stuff at my house, which is currently bursting at
the seams...) Afterwards the boys said, “Let’s go out to eat dad!”
I told them I wasn’t hungry and could eat at home. But, on the way
home, I got a craving for a good old Chicago Dog.

There is a new place in town called JohnnieBeefs. And, it does a
fair job with the Chicago dog. Not quite the ‘snappy skin’ type
dogs you get in Chicago, but nevertheless, a pretty good
imitation. (My sweet wife loves to tell the story about the time
we were at Gene and Judes in River Grove Illinois west of Chicago.
She wanted some ketchup for the kids’ fries. So, while I waited in
the van, she went back in. She said the place got deathly quiet
while the lady behind the counter scolded her for even ~thinking~
about asking for ketchup. Well, there you go.)

At JonnieBeefs, at least they have ketchup. Anyway, we had a good
healthy (??) dinner on family night, and son #4 even at two full
Chicago dogs!

For tonight’s video offering, I found a tooth pulling video. It’s
of a cute little 6 year old girl. But, they might be coddling her
just a wee bit. I found a second video of the same girl, several
years later, all grown up, getting a surprise birthday gift.
You’ll love today’s videos.

Tooth Pulling Video

Now, here's the same Girl, all grown up...
Ok, not really, but as far as I can see, this video
is real. Not something I'd want all over the internet.
(But then she's not my kid...)
Enjoy

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section

[About Phone numbers on the internet]

Hi Marty, Once Sally's name is on the internet there's not a lot
you can do. You can pay the Phone Co a monthly fee to not publish
it in the first place. But you know the answer; Get a new number
and use Vonage! Be sure to say Marty sent you. [That's what The
Shadow Knows (grin)] I really enjoy your blog, and tho I don't
write often, your family is usually in my prayers.
~Randy in Sacramento.

Marty, I know how to get your phone# separated from your name &
address on the internet. Go to www.whitepages.com, look yourself
up and use the remove option. It worked for me.
~Amber K. in CA

[And about the double standard]
As far as I'm concerned, you're 100% right, Marty!!! But hey... If
Jackson and Sharpton didn't start up all the racial controversy,
they wouldn't get anymore money from the idiots that fund them...
...Why would either of them stick their noses in any of these
cases if not for profit?
~Cookie

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Get on with the Jokes already!

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Following Directions;

Follow these steps in order:

1. Go to http://maps.google.com

2. Type in (without quotes) “from new york to paris france”

3. Scroll down in the directions list to number 24.

4. Laugh a moment, and then forward this email this to anyone else
who needs a good laugh.

~Stan D.

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We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and
several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one
point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a
talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does
anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one
little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move
diagonally."

~Wanda D.

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So as not to be outdone by all the Redneck, Hillbilly, and Texan
jokes, somebody had to come up with this. (Tongue in cheek, of
course!)

You know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring,
and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm
donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans
are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and
Ethiopian.

8. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

9. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

10. Unlike back home, the guy sitting in Starbucks at 8:30 a.m.
wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George
Clooney really IS George Clooney.

11. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

12. Its barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news
station: "STORM WATCH."

13. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are
all busy with their cell phones or Ipods.

14. Its barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an
hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

15. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal
trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

16. The Terminator is your governor.

17. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If
you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

4/15 - Bama Slama?

2007-04-15T08:13:00.000-06:00

Hmm... Guess I'm not the only one with the 'Double Standard' view
of the Don Imus firing. Oh well, I doubt I'll ever get the presidency,
in '08 anyway.

Obama compares rappers to Imus

FLORENCE, S.C. - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama (news, bio, voting record) on Friday questioned the way some rappers talk about women in songs, saying the lyrics are similar to the derogatory language used by embattled radio host Don Imus.

=-=-=-

Here's another cool animal video.
Enjoy

Smart Dog and the Ball in the Pool

4/14 - Saturday issue?

2007-04-14T16:24:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, April 14, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camping went well. We went to Crystal Hot Springs with the Scouts last night. The water in the hot tubs was a little weird smelling (with no chlorine) but it felt nice.

Anyway, for those of you on the blog site, here are a couple of cool videos.

Why kids need pets

This Octopus turns invisible and visible at will. Just watch.

Enjoy Today’s Videos!
Marty

4/13 - Triskaidekaphobia?

2007-04-13T09:42:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, April 13, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, what the heck. I’ve got the day off and a few minutes, and I
couldn’t let Friday the 13th go by without an issue! So, let’s
jump right in and do it.

Do you have triskaidekaphobia? Let’s hope not.

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:
A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Hmm... not me. I just happy there’s a FRIDAY in front of the 13th!

I’ve been looking at some of the logs that are generated by the
web site. People come to the site looking for the weirdest things.
Here’s a list of recent keywords. Or, what people search for and
find my site. It’s kind of interesting.

“craniotomy dissolvable stitches”
[Ok, I can see where you’d land on my site from this search. Son
#4’s brain tumor and all. Not that weird.]

“turtle in the tub joke”
[Wow, I guess I did write about speedy and zippy back in
September of 2004. Amazing what the internet can find ‘eh?]

“dog does heimlich maneuver david letterman Youtube”
[Now this I’d like to see. That dog would be almost as cool as
buddie!]

“it hurts in the sternum when i swallow food”
[Hmm... I’m not sure my site is going to help you here. But, you
never know.]

“humor don't forget to pay your taxes by monday, march 16.....”
[Uh, yeah. But I have until the 17th for my taxes. You see, Monday
April 16th is some obscure federal holiday. I call it “Extra Tax
Day Day”]

“faye turney jokes”
[Who is Fay Turney? Oh, yeah, that 15th Army lady who talked back
to the Iran president. Now her husband has been kidnapped, her dog
mutilated, and her cable tv just got shut off. (Ok, just kidding
on those.)]

sally bytheway
[Ah, a great choir director. I should get back into choral
singing. I just need another week a month.]

So, there you have it. The ramblings of a guy with a day off.

It’s a ‘no joke’ Joke of the day Friday. But, here are a few more
videos.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Videos of the day

My sweet wife sent me this one. Really cool artists stuff...

When Graphic Artists Get Bored - Amazing display of animal
pictures changed into weird and wonderful things.
And the music is by the "Blue man Group"

And for the guys in the crowd.
What happens if you drive behind a 747?

4/12 - Double Standard?

2007-04-13T07:57:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 12, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boy folks, I don’t know what to say. I really don’t want to start
a controversy, and this isn’t really a political blog. But I think
MSNBC and CBS are making the wrong decision. They fired Don Imus.
I’ve never listened to the guy. Ever. I’ve heard what he said, and
he was wrong. Stupidly wrong. Have I ever been stupid? Yes. Have I
ever been wrong? Uh, yeah, just about every day. I’m not whining
about his being fired for what he said on his show, but what I’m a
bit miffed about is the double standard of CBS and MSNBC. Did they
make tons of money on Mr. Imus? Yes. Do they make money on music?
Yes. Do they make money on R&B and Hip Hop music? I think so. Have
you ever looked at the lyrics of the top 10 hip hop songs? They
lyrics and themes are far worse than what Mr. Imus said. It’s a
double standard, and I don’t think it’s fair.

I just don’t get it. Maybe I should stick to writing about stupid
and wrong things my little clan does.

Campout tomorrow!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

[Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Only The .......
knows.] [Who can tell me what radio program THAT was from?]

It's The Shadow, Lamont Cranston. Only he knows for sure.
~#1 Mom

[At least I know my mom reads me...]

=-=-=-

Today’s Video Section

Just a sweet little video about a boy and his pet anaconda

=-=-=-

Cool Picture Section

Check out these helmets

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I
prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming
out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son... May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the
dollar, the game's over!"

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Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his
plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had
recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her
answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student
replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."
~Wanda D.

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An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my
druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check
the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did,
did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist
second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found
out I've been on birth control pills since December."

4/11 - Monoposponsbility

2007-04-11T21:31:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The older boys have a rough time with grades at the beginning of
the quarter. If they don’t get high enough, they can’t play
computer or watch TV. At the beginning of the quarter, one late 15
point assignment can really kill their grades. So, both #1 and #2
are down for a few days. Hopefully, the banishment will be short
lived.

Now, on the other hand, it’s great that they get off of the
computer and do ~something~. After homework tonight they got out
the old Monopoly game. (That and Risk are my two favorite games in
the entire world.) When I came upstairs tonight, they were yelling
at each other just like young boys should, and the next second
they were all laughing together. They did me proud.

One thing I’ve always tried to teach my boys is, if they get in
trouble and earn a punishment, admit it if they are wrong, and
take the punishment like a man. No whining. My boys do a pretty
good job at it. But, in today’s world, it’s not easy with all of
the poor roll models around. People are such whiners and don’t
take responsibility for their actions. I say, if you’ve done
something wrong, fess up, take your lumps, and learn from it.
You’ll be twice the person for doing so. The people who say, “It’s
not my fault” (when it is) or “I did it because of this, that, or
the other thing,” or “I had a rough life...” really get my goat. I
had an experience today that just made me shake my head. Some
people are just... corrupt. I’ll have to tell you about it
someday.

But now, it’s time to watch the last episode of Chad Vader. It’s a
cliff hanger too...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments

Hi Marty,
I seldom disagree with you, but don't you think you're being
paranoid about the phone numbers? I went through my address book
and picked out 10 people I know and entered their numbers in
Google and NONE came up with addresses. I did put in my dentist
and it was a hit, but if I have his number I can just call him and
ask for the address. As for children, they are much more likely to
tell a stranger their name than their phone number. Since at least
back to the `30's you could look up names in a thing called a
Phone Book and find an address. With an address you can
look at a thing called a Map and find the house. [In Utah you
seldom need a map with the grid system of numbering] It looks
like computers distort some people's view of reality. Bottom line;
Children should be aware of strangers and information.
Randy in Sacramento

[Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Only The .......
knows.] [Who can tell me what radio program THAT was from?
Actually Randy, I tend to agree with you somewhat, but it makes
for good filler don’t it? (grin)]

Marty, I have not been able to figure out how to block my phone #.
I clicked on my # everytime I saw it, to no avail. It's scary to
think that someone could find my house that easily!!
Love your BLOG!
I just started school, too, so I know how hard that can be.
Sally

[Sorry, can’t help ya. Randy might know... hehehe]

=-=-=-
Cool Pictures from cool places. (Thanks to reader Doug L. for
these gems!)

These pictures are of Ithaa, the unique undersea restaurant that
opened at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa Rangali Island in April
2005. Ithaa - a word meaning "pearl" in the local Dhivehi language
- is a tiny restaurant by resort hotel standards (it seats only
12), but it offers diners a "spectacular underwater view of
colorful fish, sharks and other sea life in the surrounding coral
reefs through curved, transparent acrylic walls." Guests begin
their visits with drinks on a deck overhanging the Indian Ocean,
then descend to the restaurant (16 feet underwater) via a spiral
staircase, where they indulge in meals of contemporary Maldivian
fusion cuisine served in four courses. (The cost per person for
dinner ranges from $187 to $220.)

=-=-=-

Lots of pictures today, so only one video.
Chad Vader Episode 7 (The last one, for now...)

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Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In
her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce,
and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage,
but it was too late to cook up another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern.
They advised Becky to just boil the sauce again and it should be
fine.

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests
volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called
out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the
spaghetti sauce turned out."

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You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

* You are proud of your lawnmower.

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
~Wanda D.

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When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.

4/10 - Oh Crap!

2007-04-10T22:47:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darn, if I shoulda, woulda, coulda, studied a bit more for my test
today, I could have done better. But, everything is pulling my
strings every which way. (Then my #1 mom sends me a letter that I
put in our 3rd joke spot today. Just a wee bit more pressure.
[grin] Although I did invite her to lunch last Friday which she
politely declined...) Anyway, I won’t know what the results of my
Biology test until Thursday and no sense worrying about it now. I
just need a good enough grade so work will pay for the classes.

While I was at school, my sweet wife went to her ISA meeting.
and son #1 was at Scouts. So, #2, #3 and #4 were at Grandmas. I
stopped by to pick them up and they were watching the history
channel. It was “All About Plumbing” or something like that. They
were really interested, especially when they showed the inventor
of the flush toilet, Thomas Crapper. The boys were rolling on
the floor laughing when the lady said, “and people started saying
where going to the crapper, because that’s what the toilet said
on it.” The boys thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
Then they started getting even sillier telling Crapper joke.
Even son #4 got into the act. But, when we started to leave I got
serious and told them, “Ok, enough Thomas Crapper jokes. We’ve
had our fun, but that’s the end. Ok?” They stopped joking but
were still smiling.

I actually have a pretty good bunch of boys. They know when to
have fun, and when to stop. At least most of the time...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Headline news;

Remember the female Marine who was captured by Iran for 13 days.
Pretty interesting what she said to Ahmadinejad before she left.
I’d have thought about giving him what-for, but not sure I would
have...

Faye's blast at squirming tyrant
GUTSY Faye Turney turned the tables on Iranian tyrant Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad as he freed her in front of TV cameras — making
him SQUIRM.

=-=-=-
Today’s Video Section

Here’s a cool little video that was on Good Morning America. This
guy made a cool video of kitchen sounds. It’s “A song made
entirely with things I found in my kitchen. It starts slow, but
gets going fast! It carries a reference to my previous video
'Pancakes'. As seen on ABC's Good Morning America!”

Beat Soufflé

And, of course, it couldn’t be a whole day without
Chad Vader episode 6!

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My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her
house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips
up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly,
she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other
end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?"

"Yes."

"We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you
would help us by participating in a brief survey."

Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now.
You will have to survey your own briefs."

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Google has implemented a new feature which enables you to type a
telephone number into the search bar and hit enter and you will be
given the person's name and address. If you then hit MapQuest, you
will get a map to the person's house. Everyone should be aware of
this! It's a nationwide reverse telephone book.

If a child gives out his/her phone number, someone can now look it
up to find out where he/she lives. The safety issues are obvious,
and alarming.

Note that you can have your phone number removed or blocked. I
tried my number and it came up along with the mapquest and
directions straight to our house. I did fill out the removal form
for myself, and encourage all of you to do the same. Quite scary.

Please look up your own number.

In order to test whether your phone number is mapped, go to:
google (http://www.google.com/) Type your phone number in the
search bar (i.e. 555-555-1212) and hit enter. If you want to BLOCK
Google from divulging your private information, simply click on
your telephone number and then click on the Removal Form. Removal
takes 48-hours.

Check your own number and although this may not apply to you if
you have an unlisted number or cell phone as primary contact, but
you may know someone who needs to know this.

Please share this information with friends and family.

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After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another
woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know
this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with
you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who
has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my
three children had made it possible to visit her only
occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a
movie.

"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call
or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,"
I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like
that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too,
seemed to be nervous about our date.

She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair
and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told
my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were
impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to
hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice
and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes
and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on
her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I
responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation, nothing
extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's
life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you
again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very
nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It
happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything
for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure
that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates –
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what
that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I
LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the
time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
"some other time".

4/9 - Anyone...? Anyone...?

2007-04-09T22:52:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 09, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I made the ultimate sacrifice tonight. After a dinner of burgers
on the grill (son #2 cooked ‘em!) and lots of goodies, we had a
quick family home evening lesson. Last week, just before Easter,
son #3 and #4 went to a Primary activity and made a family home
evening chart. It has stars on it with everyone’s names that you
can move to different responsibilities. I was conducting and had
the lesson tonight. Others were assigned for the opening song,
opening prayer, etc. etc. Tonight we talked about the Holy Ghost,
and how it helps you know right from wrong. After the lesson, son
#1 had the activity part. They wanted to watch a movie so my sweet
wife ran to the video store and got ‘Ferris Bueller's Day Off’ All
4 of my boys were rolling on the floor laughing and as my sweet
wife said, “taking notes”. Oh, wonderful. Anyway, I made the
ultimate sacrifice and tried to study for my test when the rest of
the family was watching the flick. I did get some good studying
in. But, we’ll know for sure in a couple of days.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. My sweet wife said she hadn’t read her emails since
Wednesday, and asked how many Chad Vader videos there were. (7)
She said she thought they were, “cute”, and as she left she said,
“that poor chad...” Oh, I guess.

p.p.s. Hey, have you ever done a 5K race before? How about for a
great cause? We’re all about brain tumor research here, so if
you’re on the east coast, (and even if you’re not...) check out
this year’s Race for Hope at www.curebraintumors.org

=-=-=-
Interesting News Section

102-Year-Old Woman Gets Hole In One

=-=-=-
Video of the Day section

Chad Vader: Episode 5

=-=-=-

That was a bad idea

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Tiring of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country
cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could
land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next
trip, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.
Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this
plane here without wheels!" The startled husband abruptly yanked
the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster. Continuing, he
landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there,
visibly shaken he said to his wife, "I don't know what got into
me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!" And
with that, he opened the door and stepped out, falling into the
water.
~Wanda D.
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"It's been reported today that Democrats in California are trying
to find a candidate to run against Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Unfortunately, the only candidate who's as qualified as
Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel"
~Conan O'Brien

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On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack
over it upon which was written: "Broken." A skeptical parking
officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and
turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to
write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby
building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at
the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"

4/7 - How many activities can you pack into one day?

2007-04-07T21:42:00.000-06:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, April 07, 2007
[Our 450th post!]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a busy Saturday. We went to an Easter Egg Hunt, Home Depot
Kids workshop, trap shooting, and Geocaching. (I’ll get to that
studying soon, I promise...) I’ve posted a couple of pics online of
the boys today.

Also, some have asked where Chad Vader episode 4 is. It’s now
posted. Enjoy!

And, speaking of shooting and clay pigeons, I’m also posted “clay
pigeons are for wimps” video online.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Oops, almost forgot. Happy Easter tomorrow!

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Son #1 shooting - Look at the ear plugs. I'm such a good dad...

Sons #2 and 3 at the kids workshop.
Notice how they never argue about anything...

Son #4 at Kids work shop

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Chad Vader Episode 4

Clay Pigeons are for Wimps